3rd Internal update

I had my 3rd internal yesterday. Doc said I was about 1.5cm dilated and I've lost my mucous plug. I guess for me it must have happened a little at a time showing up as a little more discharge than usual because I definitely didn't notice anything.

I knew I would spot after my internal because I did notice blood on the docs glove after. Today though, I wiped and noticed a small amount of thicker discharge that was very dark red/brown. I don't know if this is spotting from yesterday's internal or if it's some of the "bloody show".

Hubbs and I went walking again today. We went to BJs for some food shopping, then to Stop N Shop too. Then I stayed on my feet to help put the groceries away, cook a chicken parm dinner, ate a ton, and helped clean up. Then I showered, blow dried my hair, painted my nails and finally sat with hubbs to watch a Knicks game (well...he's watching the game, I'm here writing this entry).

I've been having contractions on and off all day (mostly painless and all over the place) but they seem to be evening out as I sit here relaxing on the couch. This has happened before so I'm not under any delusions that this is it. They are still painless and vary in terms of how far apart they are. Still no pattern and no increasing intensity.

I hope to get hubbs to paint my toenails after the game but he's having a couple drinks so maybe it's best to wait until tomorrow lol.

Talking about tomorrow...it's New Year's Eve tomorrow and I think this is the first time we'll be spending a quiet night at home pretty much alone. We invited his cousin with his wife and kids for tomorrow but that's about it. Hubbs' family lives in NYC and we don't really want to cross the bridge on a night like New Year's Eve. We might very well get stuck in traffic what with the snow on top of everything else.

Anyway...my next appointment is on Thursday the 6th so we'll see if I make it there. That will be 2 days before my due date.

Talk to you later!

2nd internal and still at 1cm

Today at 37w5d I had my 2nd internal exam and I'm still 1cm dilated but sounds like my cervix is softening nicely :)

I weighed in at 179 so I've lost a pound from last week making my total so far 17 pounds gained. I was so scared in the beginning that I'd gain 40-50 pounds as happens very often (even through no fault of the pregnant woman). I really hope that I can lose most of the weight pretty quickly after delivery and the rest with breast feeding. I actually am hoping to start trying to get down below my prepregnancy weight because I was overweight to begin with for my height.

Ryan's HB sounded strong as always. He's been moving around a lot like always which is really nice. I haven't felt the need to do daily kick counts because he normally moves so much but I have had to do it 2-3 times during pregnancy so far whenever he's a little lazy in there and makes mommy scared.

The doctor today told me that I should be ok to go through Chirstmas (although, of course, you never know). She said to call in case I start getting painful contractions 5 minutes apart or if my water breaks before my next appointment which is scheduled for Wednesday the 29th.

I have a waxing appointment tomorrow morning at 11:30am to prepare "the area" for childbirth lol. I used to get waxed often but stopped because the salon is kind of far from where we live. I'm going to get a modified Brazilian (basically keep somewhat of a landing strip because that's the most painful section to get waxed and I just don't want to feel that especially with all the extra blood flowing to that area now). Then I'm going to get my eyebrows threaded as well. Later on tomorrow night, at the ILs house I'm going to have my SIL paint my toenails for me :) I'll probably blow dry my hair at some point tomorrow too.

Hopefully I'll be all ready to go when the time comes!

By the way I only have the rest of the day today at work (and we might get out early) and then I have Monday and Tuesday...then I'm off until the end of March!!! Yippieeee!!!

R.I.P. Bianca Martinez

I wrote a couple posts down about my husband's cousin's 9 year old daughter, Bianca Martinez (our beautiful flower girl), who had been battling cancer for 2 years now. She lost her battle yesterday morning.

The doctors said she wouldn't make it to Christmas but we were still hoping and praying. We even had plans to spend Christmas Eve at the hospital with her to help her celebrate life and make her smile. We no longer get to spend any more days with her. We're all heartbroken.

We spent yesterday morning at the hospital crying and staring at her lifeless but relaxed face as she lay in her pink and purple hospital bed...stroking her smooth bald head and touching her cold cheeks with the backs of our fingers.

The nurses came in to paint her palms purple and place her little hands on a pink art canvas so that they leave small hand prints for her parents to take home with them. The hospital arranged for lots of fun entertainment for her in her last days like a visit from the Rocketts, Pinkalicious (not sure who this is), and Miss Teen USA. I hope she enjoyed these as much as possible...well, as much as someone in an oxygen mask and tons of IVs and wires strapped to them could enjoy it all. She had looked so weak those last few days.

We're so sad but we know she is now at peace, with long flowing hair, running and playing like she should be.

We love you Bianca!

I'm dilating...eeeeek!

I had my first internal appointment today. That bitch hurt like a mofo! First of all my lower back was killing me, I felt like my spine was separating! Don't worry, that really had nothing to do with the exam and everything to do with the way I had to lay on the table. I've been having back issues lately.

She said I'm 1cm dilated and my cervix is starting to thin out a little.

I also had a growth ultrasound and our little one is about 6lbs 5oz (something like the 43rd percentile or something. She says around 50% is good...average).

I only have 8 work days left and I am counting them down! My last day at work is supposed to be the 28th but we'll see if I last til then.

I started spotting right away which is normal and I had some slight cramping but nothing too bad at all. I'm waiting to see if my MP falls out or anything.

And (TMI warning) - my BMs are definitely different now. Not so constipated anymore so that's another sign of impending labor.

I'm happy and nervous at the same time! I'm getting nervous about the pain that comes with labor but I know I'll be ok. We also have some more things to do around the house so we're now planning on getting it all done before the end of this weekend:

• Laundry
• Install car seat
• Pack hospital bags
• Reconfigure our room to bring in cosleeper and changing table
• Return some things at BRU
• Buy coming home outfit

Tomorrow is the last day that I will be driving myself to and from work. DH is working from home next week and then on vacation the next week so he will be driving me around just in case I go into labor alone in my car.

Update on Bianca and her cancers...

Original post HERE (3rd paragraph).

So we found out what the doctors found in Bianca's lung is, indeed, more cancer. This was a tumor that had shown up as a small speck on an ultrasound a few days ago and was now showing up as a large mass in her lung. Because of how rapidly it has grown in such a short span of time, they anticipated her lasting only a couple of days. It is expected to start putting pressure on her heart, which will slow her heart rate down until she passes. They cannot remove the tumor because the surgery itself would kill her (she has basically no immune system anymore).

This was all the news we got on Friday. On Saturday, DH and I went to see her at the hospital. Poor baby looks so weak and fragile. She has lots of phlem and mucous building up in her lungs, she is strapped to a ton of wires and an oxygen mask. No one is allowed near her without a face mask and gloves.

The most recent update from yesterday from the doctors is that they were wrong about her only having a few more days but that she will not last until Christmas so they are encouraging family and friends to visit soon.

You can see a video of her on youtube.com called "Bianca Martinez I Believe". On Friday there were about 100 views. She told us that she wished for 1,000 views before she passes so we reached out to everyone we knew through FB and she's now approaching 3,000 views. It's not an obsene amount but it's surpassed her wishes and she's happy with that.

Bianca is 9 years old and was the flower girl at our wedding 2 years ago (10/12/08). She did such a good job!




Go check out her youtube videos: Bianca Martinez I Believe, Bianca Martinez By My Side (this is from Saturday when DH and I went to visit her), Bianca Martinez Pinkalicious


Thoughts & Prayers are more than welcome!

Contractions update

They continued last night even through a nap while I reclined on the couch from about 7:45pm-10pm. I felt a couple after I laid down in bed but I didn't really feel much throughout the night and by the time I got out of bed in the morning, it seems everything was back to normal.

I haven't really been having contractions today and Ryan is moving around in there. I do feel like I'm getting to the stage where he doesn't have that much room in there anymore so although I do feel him move constantly throughout the day, the movements are different now. Not so many kicks and jabs, but more twisting and shifting movements.

I hope to give you an interesting update after my appointment on Thursday morning. I wonder if that 24+ hours of contractions did anything to dilate my cervix or at least soften it up a bit. We shall see.

I'm timing contractions...

They're just Braxton Hicks but I've never had them this consistently for such a prolonged period of time.

DH and I went to BJ's yesterday and spent a couple of hours walking around and shopping since our fridge and pantry were really empty. Whenever I walk so much I do normally have a couple of BHs but they usually go away once I sit or lay down and relax. Once we got home I cooked so I was on my feet for a little while longer. A soon as we ate, I relaxed on the couch for the rest of the night until about 10pm when I went to shower and get in bed.

I was still having BHs and I even think I was having them throughout the night. When I woke up this morning, I told DH that I wasn't sure but I think I kept having BHs all night. I don't know how often or for how long or even if I was dreaming it or not.

I woke up at around a quarter to 8am and by 9:30am I had already had about 8 or 9. I called my doctor's office to find out if I should come in today (I have an appointment scheduled for Thursday). They asked me a few questions and determined that I didn't need to come in unless they were painful, I was spotting or bleeding, and/or if the contractions were close together (5 minutes apart). They advised me to start tracking the contractions just in case they develop into actual labor contractions.

I downloaded this BB app onto my phone which allows you to track contractions easily. I started at 11:30am (it's now 2pm) and so far I've had 5 in that time span. The frequency is ranging from 17 minutes apart to almost an hour apart so I think I'm ok. No bleeding and no pain either.

I hope I don't actually go into preterm labor but I DO hope that this means my body is preparing and I won't go over my due date.

Fingers crossed...

Life and death...

The past 2 weeks have been kind of crazy and stressful.

I didn't mention on here that my dad had to have surgery to remove his gallbladder on November 29th. My dad actually has a lot of medical issues one of which is liver cirrhosis. He needs a liver transplant and we've been dealing with that for about 5 years now. Most recently, he was found to be having gallbladder failure and they found that it was adhering to his liver and needed to be removed. I'm happy to say that the surgery went better than the doctors expected and my father is making a wonderful recovery.

Right around the time of my father's surgery, my husband's grandfather was in the hospital with lots of complications too. He'd been in and out of the hospital and nursing homes for months at that point but he had hit a low and had to be intubated since he could no longer breathe and swallow on his own. He had end-stage leukemia, some organ failure, dementia. He was in his last days. The family was faced with a decision and decided to remove the tubing and allow him to pass in peace. He passed away on Sunday December 4th. We went to his wake on Tuesday where he heard more bad news.

My husband's cousin's daughter Bianca has been battling lymphoma and leukemia for about 2 years now. She got sick right after Dh and I got married (she was our flower girl). The Make a Wish Foundation sent her and her family to Hawaii on a beautiful vacation and the doctors said she was in remission after that trip. A little while later she got sick again and has been in the hospital ever since (she's been in the hospital at least 80% of the last 2 years). They found a bone marrow donor but then that person got sick and they couldn't do the transplant. They ended up doing a cord blood transplant a couple months ago and thought that would work. On the night of DH's grandfather's wake (Tuesday night) we got a call that the doctors found something on one of Bianca's lungs. They would do a biopsy to see if it was more cancer. If it's cancer, they say there's nothing else they can do. If it isn't cancer, they will do surgery to remove the portion of her lung with the mass but she is in such bad condition that they believe she has a 10% chance of surviving the surgery. Her parents are now discussing having her be discharged to live out her last days as comfortably as possible at home. The results came back inconclusive so they are now waiting for answers to make their next moves.

So what else can happen?? DH is stressed and miserable, understandably so. I feel stressed and helpless. I hate seeing DH so drained of life. He is typically such an upbeat, funny person. It's kind of overwhelming during this point in my pregnancy too. In a short time, our lives will change forever when I give birth to our son. I hope things get better soon.