Thursday, December 30, 2010
I knew I would spot after my internal because I did notice blood on the docs glove after. Today though, I wiped and noticed a small amount of thicker discharge that was very dark red/brown. I don't know if this is spotting from yesterday's internal or if it's some of the "bloody show".
Hubbs and I went walking again today. We went to BJs for some food shopping, then to Stop N Shop too. Then I stayed on my feet to help put the groceries away, cook a chicken parm dinner, ate a ton, and helped clean up. Then I showered, blow dried my hair, painted my nails and finally sat with hubbs to watch a Knicks game (well...he's watching the game, I'm here writing this entry).
I've been having contractions on and off all day (mostly painless and all over the place) but they seem to be evening out as I sit here relaxing on the couch. This has happened before so I'm not under any delusions that this is it. They are still painless and vary in terms of how far apart they are. Still no pattern and no increasing intensity.
I hope to get hubbs to paint my toenails after the game but he's having a couple drinks so maybe it's best to wait until tomorrow lol.
Talking about tomorrow...it's New Year's Eve tomorrow and I think this is the first time we'll be spending a quiet night at home pretty much alone. We invited his cousin with his wife and kids for tomorrow but that's about it. Hubbs' family lives in NYC and we don't really want to cross the bridge on a night like New Year's Eve. We might very well get stuck in traffic what with the snow on top of everything else.
Anyway...my next appointment is on Thursday the 6th so we'll see if I make it there. That will be 2 days before my due date.
Talk to you later!
Thursday, December 23, 2010
I weighed in at 179 so I've lost a pound from last week making my total so far 17 pounds gained. I was so scared in the beginning that I'd gain 40-50 pounds as happens very often (even through no fault of the pregnant woman). I really hope that I can lose most of the weight pretty quickly after delivery and the rest with breast feeding. I actually am hoping to start trying to get down below my prepregnancy weight because I was overweight to begin with for my height.
Ryan's HB sounded strong as always. He's been moving around a lot like always which is really nice. I haven't felt the need to do daily kick counts because he normally moves so much but I have had to do it 2-3 times during pregnancy so far whenever he's a little lazy in there and makes mommy scared.
The doctor today told me that I should be ok to go through Chirstmas (although, of course, you never know). She said to call in case I start getting painful contractions 5 minutes apart or if my water breaks before my next appointment which is scheduled for Wednesday the 29th.
I have a waxing appointment tomorrow morning at 11:30am to prepare "the area" for childbirth lol. I used to get waxed often but stopped because the salon is kind of far from where we live. I'm going to get a modified Brazilian (basically keep somewhat of a landing strip because that's the most painful section to get waxed and I just don't want to feel that especially with all the extra blood flowing to that area now). Then I'm going to get my eyebrows threaded as well. Later on tomorrow night, at the ILs house I'm going to have my SIL paint my toenails for me :) I'll probably blow dry my hair at some point tomorrow too.
Hopefully I'll be all ready to go when the time comes!
By the way I only have the rest of the day today at work (and we might get out early) and then I have Monday and Tuesday...then I'm off until the end of March!!! Yippieeee!!!
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
The doctors said she wouldn't make it to Christmas but we were still hoping and praying. We even had plans to spend Christmas Eve at the hospital with her to help her celebrate life and make her smile. We no longer get to spend any more days with her. We're all heartbroken.
We spent yesterday morning at the hospital crying and staring at her lifeless but relaxed face as she lay in her pink and purple hospital bed...stroking her smooth bald head and touching her cold cheeks with the backs of our fingers.
The nurses came in to paint her palms purple and place her little hands on a pink art canvas so that they leave small hand prints for her parents to take home with them. The hospital arranged for lots of fun entertainment for her in her last days like a visit from the Rocketts, Pinkalicious (not sure who this is), and Miss Teen USA. I hope she enjoyed these as much as possible...well, as much as someone in an oxygen mask and tons of IVs and wires strapped to them could enjoy it all. She had looked so weak those last few days.
We're so sad but we know she is now at peace, with long flowing hair, running and playing like she should be.
We love you Bianca!
Thursday, December 16, 2010
She said I'm 1cm dilated and my cervix is starting to thin out a little.
I also had a growth ultrasound and our little one is about 6lbs 5oz (something like the 43rd percentile or something. She says around 50% is good...average).
I only have 8 work days left and I am counting them down! My last day at work is supposed to be the 28th but we'll see if I last til then.
I started spotting right away which is normal and I had some slight cramping but nothing too bad at all. I'm waiting to see if my MP falls out or anything.
And (TMI warning) - my BMs are definitely different now. Not so constipated anymore so that's another sign of impending labor.
I'm happy and nervous at the same time! I'm getting nervous about the pain that comes with labor but I know I'll be ok. We also have some more things to do around the house so we're now planning on getting it all done before the end of this weekend:
- Install car seat
- Pack hospital bags
- Reconfigure our room to bring in cosleeper and changing table
- Return some things at BRU
- Buy coming home outfit
Tomorrow is the last day that I will be driving myself to and from work. DH is working from home next week and then on vacation the next week so he will be driving me around just in case I go into labor alone in my car.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
So we found out what the doctors found in Bianca's lung is, indeed, more cancer. This was a tumor that had shown up as a small speck on an ultrasound a few days ago and was now showing up as a large mass in her lung. Because of how rapidly it has grown in such a short span of time, they anticipated her lasting only a couple of days. It is expected to start putting pressure on her heart, which will slow her heart rate down until she passes. They cannot remove the tumor because the surgery itself would kill her (she has basically no immune system anymore).
This was all the news we got on Friday. On Saturday, DH and I went to see her at the hospital. Poor baby looks so weak and fragile. She has lots of phlem and mucous building up in her lungs, she is strapped to a ton of wires and an oxygen mask. No one is allowed near her without a face mask and gloves.
The most recent update from yesterday from the doctors is that they were wrong about her only having a few more days but that she will not last until Christmas so they are encouraging family and friends to visit soon.
You can see a video of her on youtube.com called "Bianca Martinez I Believe". On Friday there were about 100 views. She told us that she wished for 1,000 views before she passes so we reached out to everyone we knew through FB and she's now approaching 3,000 views. It's not an obsene amount but it's surpassed her wishes and she's happy with that.
Bianca is 9 years old and was the flower girl at our wedding 2 years ago (10/12/08). She did such a good job!
Go check out her youtube videos: Bianca Martinez I Believe, Bianca Martinez By My Side (this is from Saturday when DH and I went to visit her), Bianca Martinez Pinkalicious
Thoughts & Prayers are more than welcome!
I haven't really been having contractions today and Ryan is moving around in there. I do feel like I'm getting to the stage where he doesn't have that much room in there anymore so although I do feel him move constantly throughout the day, the movements are different now. Not so many kicks and jabs, but more twisting and shifting movements.
I hope to give you an interesting update after my appointment on Thursday morning. I wonder if that 24+ hours of contractions did anything to dilate my cervix or at least soften it up a bit. We shall see.
Monday, December 13, 2010
DH and I went to BJ's yesterday and spent a couple of hours walking around and shopping since our fridge and pantry were really empty. Whenever I walk so much I do normally have a couple of BHs but they usually go away once I sit or lay down and relax. Once we got home I cooked so I was on my feet for a little while longer. A soon as we ate, I relaxed on the couch for the rest of the night until about 10pm when I went to shower and get in bed.
I was still having BHs and I even think I was having them throughout the night. When I woke up this morning, I told DH that I wasn't sure but I think I kept having BHs all night. I don't know how often or for how long or even if I was dreaming it or not.
I woke up at around a quarter to 8am and by 9:30am I had already had about 8 or 9. I called my doctor's office to find out if I should come in today (I have an appointment scheduled for Thursday). They asked me a few questions and determined that I didn't need to come in unless they were painful, I was spotting or bleeding, and/or if the contractions were close together (5 minutes apart). They advised me to start tracking the contractions just in case they develop into actual labor contractions.
I downloaded this BB app onto my phone which allows you to track contractions easily. I started at 11:30am (it's now 2pm) and so far I've had 5 in that time span. The frequency is ranging from 17 minutes apart to almost an hour apart so I think I'm ok. No bleeding and no pain either.
I hope I don't actually go into preterm labor but I DO hope that this means my body is preparing and I won't go over my due date.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
I didn't mention on here that my dad had to have surgery to remove his gallbladder on November 29th. My dad actually has a lot of medical issues one of which is liver cirrhosis. He needs a liver transplant and we've been dealing with that for about 5 years now. Most recently, he was found to be having gallbladder failure and they found that it was adhering to his liver and needed to be removed. I'm happy to say that the surgery went better than the doctors expected and my father is making a wonderful recovery.
Right around the time of my father's surgery, my husband's grandfather was in the hospital with lots of complications too. He'd been in and out of the hospital and nursing homes for months at that point but he had hit a low and had to be intubated since he could no longer breathe and swallow on his own. He had end-stage leukemia, some organ failure, dementia. He was in his last days. The family was faced with a decision and decided to remove the tubing and allow him to pass in peace. He passed away on Sunday December 4th. We went to his wake on Tuesday where he heard more bad news.
My husband's cousin's daughter Bianca has been battling lymphoma and leukemia for about 2 years now. She got sick right after Dh and I got married (she was our flower girl). The Make a Wish Foundation sent her and her family to Hawaii on a beautiful vacation and the doctors said she was in remission after that trip. A little while later she got sick again and has been in the hospital ever since (she's been in the hospital at least 80% of the last 2 years). They found a bone marrow donor but then that person got sick and they couldn't do the transplant. They ended up doing a cord blood transplant a couple months ago and thought that would work. On the night of DH's grandfather's wake (Tuesday night) we got a call that the doctors found something on one of Bianca's lungs. They would do a biopsy to see if it was more cancer. If it's cancer, they say there's nothing else they can do. If it isn't cancer, they will do surgery to remove the portion of her lung with the mass but she is in such bad condition that they believe she has a 10% chance of surviving the surgery. Her parents are now discussing having her be discharged to live out her last days as comfortably as possible at home. The results came back inconclusive so they are now waiting for answers to make their next moves.
So what else can happen?? DH is stressed and miserable, understandably so. I feel stressed and helpless. I hate seeing DH so drained of life. He is typically such an upbeat, funny person. It's kind of overwhelming during this point in my pregnancy too. In a short time, our lives will change forever when I give birth to our son. I hope things get better soon.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
I know it's silly but I do want to make sure I don't overdo it with the weight gain. I'd like to be able to get back into my pre-pregnancy weight relatively fast and then continue to lose weight from there...we shall see.
The doc also did the Group B Strep test today and at my next appointment (in 2 weeks) I will have my first internal and the growth ultrasound done as well. I asked the doctor about their philosophy on induction/c-section and he said that they will go until 41 weeks if everything else is ok before they would do an induction if they are seeing no progress. I guess I'm ok with that.
He also asked when I'm planning on taking my leave from work. I think I'm going to shoot for 39 weeks which is right up until New Year's. I will most likely not come back after the holidays but I'm nervous that I might not deliver until after my due date and I'll have to come back to work when the baby is less than 12 weeks :( I'd really love to spend as much time with him as possible but I also want to take it easy before he comes too. There is lots to think about with regard to work so I guess I have to figure this one out. I'm going to meet with my boss today to discuss my coverage while I'm out so hopefully we can iron out some details today.
I'm also taking a few vacation days right before the New Year so really, I might be out of the office by December 28th. Lot's to plan!
Still no stretch marks (yay!)...
Acid reflux is kicking my butt...
My lady bits are feeling a little sore...
My inner/upper thigh area (right where my leg connects to the groin area) aches...
My hips hurt all night...
My back hurts when I've stayed in one position too long or when I've been on my feet a lot...
I get braxton hicks multiple times daily...
Still got an inny (although getting flatter and flatter every day)...
That's about it, folks! Oh I'm approaching my 35/35 milestone this Saturday!!! WOOT WOOT!!
Monday, November 22, 2010
To give you a sense of how anal and organized I can be at times: I typed out a list of gifts and who gave us said gifts and I labeled all of the gift receipts.
These pictures should provide an overview of what we received at the shower (these are crappy cell phone pics, fyi):
Friday, November 19, 2010
I went on my registry to stalk the purchases since tomorrow is my baby shower (I know...I'm klassy) but nothing had changed in terms of new orders but I happened to glance at the crib mattress on my registry and noticed that it was 50% reduced from yesterday. I happened to specifically check the crib mattress yesterday because I was looking up the dimensions and I was also comparing it to another mattress that was going to be 50% off for black friday.
I realizing my crib mattress was marked 50% off today so I started checking my other registry items to see what else, if anything, had been reduced. All of my nursey accessories from NoJo were on sale too!! I had a hamper, lamp, mobile, blanket, crib sheet, wall hangings, wall decals all a matching theme and ALL were on sale. The $50 mobile was only $11! The $40 lamp was only $13! The $20 crib sheet was only $5 and so on and so on!!! I was so excited I called hubbs right away to let him know.
His job had given us a $100 gift card which we still hadn't used since we were going to wait until after the shower to use it. We just decided to go ahead and get it today because all of those items were online only items and we knew that at this point the rest of our guests probably weren't going to order online since the shower is tomorrow.
So all in all I spent $75 on all of those items which basically was to cover the shipping and tax. I cannot wait to receive all of those items!! Yippieeeee!!!
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
So it happened this morning finally. Hopefully this means it won't happen again for a long while...let's see. It's a rainy day and our main office has these really slick marble tiles in the main lobby area. As soon as I set foot on that tile my foot just slipped, my ankle twisted and I went down. I landed on my hands and knees...hot...but I didn't really feel like I hurt anything important. My belly area felt fine.
Everyone at the office immediately started telling me I should call my doctor just in case. This actually made me so nervous. One person even said I should go to the hospital. I decided to wait a half an hour until my OB office opened up to call them. The doctor said that as long as I didn't fall on my stomach and as long I'm feeling the baby move around like I normally would and I don't start bleeding vaginally then I should be fine and wouldn't have to come in. Well...check, check, check so I feel better now. I had to sit through a meeting for that first half hour until my doctor's office opened with my heart racing. I just couldn't calm down enough to regulate my heart rate from the nerves. Immediately after the call, my heart rate regulated. I feel so much better now.
I wasn't even wearing heels, DOH!...LOL
Monday, November 8, 2010
However, my iron is low again...ugh! After the 1st GTT they had me go on iron supplements which I've been taking daily (an additional 65mg) even though my PNV already has a ton of iron. Apparently, that hasn't done the trick so I have to double up on the iron supplements. Unfortunately, that's pretty much guaranteed to make me more constipated than I already am so she advised me to drink prune juice daily.
Uh uh! I don't do prune juice. Last time I had it, it didn't work and all it did was give me terrible gas cramps. This time I'll be drinking a nice big glass of Metamucil and a Colace daily.
Wish me luck!
Friday, November 5, 2010
My baby shower is in 2 weeks! We are having such a huge party...I'm serious. I think more people will show up than at our wedding. We are setting up seats for 140 people. No, that's not a typo...1-4-0 people lol.
This may sound crazy and tacky but my husband and I are hosting the shower. It's more common among our families that the Godparents host the shower (not the parents or friends like in other traditions) but we didn't want to burden them with the expense. And everyone is expecting a shower and had been asking. Hubbs' cousin actually did this with their baby shower because they don't do Godparents in their religion so the husband hosted the shower himself and no one batted an eye.
Anywho...We rented an American Legion hall and are having our family members cook. We bought all the decorations, favors, liquor and other beverages...we're even buying the food that our family members will cook. Hubbs has a few cousin's that DJ so one of them will be providing the music. My SIL (brother's wife) has the traditional shower wicker chair so we don't have to rent that.
I registered only at Babies R Us and surprisingly nearly 30 items have already been purchased! I know I shouldn't stalk the registry but it's so fun to see more things get purchased. I should say that before sending out the invites with the registry info, I added up the cost of every last item on the registry and discussed with DH that it should be an amount that even if we weren't having a shower (or even if we did have the shower and all the expenses of the shower but received not 1 gift), he and I would be able to afford to purchase everything on our own. That made us feel better to know that we were being responsible and not relying on the shower to provide the things we needed for OUR baby.
We are still working on the baby's room. We still have all the accessories, wall art, and a crib to get so no pictures yet. Plus even when we get the crib we're not going to put it together right away because my mom is coming to stay with us for 2-3 weeks after the baby is born and we're going to set up a bed for her in the baby's room first while the baby stays in our room (in his cosleeper). The room is acting as storage for the baby shower decorations and cases of beer lol.
I had my 30 week OB appointment this morning (even though I'm 31 weeks tomorrow). It went so fast! I had a second 1 hour GTT (because of my PCOS) so I hope I passed again. I weighed in at 174 which is a total gain of 12 pounds in nearly 8 months. About half of that was gained in the last month so I think I need to start looking at my eating habits again so my weight doesn't start to snowball. Everything is looking good. The doctor did my annual pap since I was due. He said my cervix is nice and closed so that's good. Baby's HB sounded good, BP was good, etc.
Now I start going every 2 weeks and then around 36 weeks I will get a growth ultrasound...so looking forward to that! And then every week...ahhhhh! It's all happening, isn't it?!
No stretch marks on my belly yet...belly button is starting to flatten out a little more. Nights are getting tougher because sometimes I feel like I can't get in enough air...like my lungs don't have much room in there anymore to expand fully. And my hips hurt all night too so I toss and turn. Ryan is moving lots all day which I love!
That's all for now!
Monday, October 18, 2010
He was so excited too!! There we were, I'm half naked in our hallway and we're both staring at this tiny droplet on my boob with HUGE cheesy grins on our faces! It was pretty amazing...lol
He encouraged me to squeeze to see if more would come out since I had wiped the fluid away and sure enough a tiny bit more started to appear there. My right boob isn't producing anything as of yet but I'm taking this as a good sign! I know that even for women who don't leak anything at all during pregnancy, breast feeding could and does work perfectly. And I'm sure that even for women who leak a ton during pregnancy, breast feeding could be tough. But I'm choosing to believe that this is a good sign for me!
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
We then ended up visiting one of the child care facilities we're considering for a second time. I know it sounds weird to do this on your anniversary but we both had the day off and really wanted to see the facility during the day when things are really happening. I think we'll end up registering there because it's a decent center and it's not one of the most expensive.
After that we went to the bakery where our wedding cake was made to pick up a mini version (same type of cake and filling - yellow cake with raspberry preserves and chocolate mousse). Since we were in the neighborhood, we decided to head to the church where we got married to snap a few photos and then went across the street to the park where we also took some photos on our wedding day. I just happened to have a tripod in the car from a work event. It was a lot of fun! Here is the very last picture we took at the park:
Afterwards, we headed home to relax a little and change for dinner. Unfortunately, there was a work-related catastophe going down at hubb's job that needed his attention so he did a couple conference calls while I napped on the couch.
Monday, October 11, 2010
I was cleaning the dining room windows when hubbs walks up behind me with a box saying "well I was going to wait but since we are talking about it". It was unwrapped so I was able to see that it was the exact camera I'd wanted all along!!
It's the Canon Rebel T1i (DSLR) with the EF-S 18-55mm lens kit!! OMG I was so excited! I just could not believe that he had gone and bought this camera! It is truely OUR camera which I'm so excited about because I really want both of us to learn how to use it to it's full capabilities. I found a great series of tutorials on youtube that I already started watching to familiarize myself with it. Hubbs is going to watch them too so he can be ready on the date of delivery.
After cleaning up I was so excited to start testing out the camera with a ton of pictures of our kitty, Chandler. I'm at work right now so I can't upload the photos but I will soon so you can see the quality of the photos...and that's just on automatic settings. I'm excited to learn how to use the manual settings so I can get so much more out of it.
Tomorrow is our anniversary and we're going to go out to dinner and just spend the day together. It'll just be so nice to sleep in for another day too!
On another note, my Dad, stepmom, and stepbrother came to visit us in our new apartment yesterday (well new as of July 1st but it was their first time visiting us there). It is the first time my dad has seen us since I really started showing. We saw them last at the end of May so at least 4 months ago. It was nice to see my Dad so excited to see me with a belly...lol. He actually talked to Ryan while both hands where on my belly for a good couple of minutes then he prayed long and hard over him and us (he's a minister if I haven't mentioned it before). We had a lovely dinner and great conversation.
Lastly, I mentioned before that hubbs was painting Ryan's room this weekend. It already looks so adorable and we don't even have the crib and accesories in the room yet. We did the room in a cool grey and one of the walls is brown. The furniture we have in there so far is all a natural finish which actually looks great against the walls. We also got blinds and curtains up. It already looks awesome! I'll take some pics soon for you to see when we get all the other crap moved out of that room (it's currently still serving as storage for a few items).
That's all for now! Byee!
Friday, October 8, 2010
I passed my first 1 hour glucose test at 22 weeks and I have to take another one at 30 weeks which is scheduled for November 5th. I've only gained about 6 pounds according to my doctor's scale and about 3-4 pounds according to my home scale. At my doctors office it depends on what time my appointment is (sometimes morning, sometimes evening) and it also depends on what room I'm in - each room has it's own scale so it's always a different scale). At home, I always use the same scale and I always do it in the morning after I pee. Anyway...I'm almost 7 months and haven't gained much weight. The doctor doesn't seem concerned so I guess it's ok.
I haven't developed any stretch marks as of yet but there's plenty of time for that. My belly button is definitely changing though. It's super shallow now so I'm just waiting for the outtie to start showing itself.
Ryan is moving so much every day...I just love that. It's changing though so it's very interesting. There's less kicking and more stretching, twisting, and turning in there. It's funny around 8pm-10pm he starts a party in there...I can just sit there and watch my belly go wild!
Oh by the way...my second wedding anniversary is coming up on Tuesday! We're taking the day off work and spending time together. We're going to dinner and stuff like that. I'm considering buying a small cake from the same bakery that did our wedding cake with the same filling and everything as maybe a little tradition we can start. We may also go visit one of the day care centers again (that's another post in and of itself).
Speaking of traditions, once we moved in together about 4 years ago we started a Christmas tradition where we purchase a personalized ornament that represents something special that happened that year (engagement, marriage, and now we're expecting!). The new ornament is adorable and I can't wait for next year..."Baby's First Christmas!"
That's all for now! Talk to you soon!
Thursday, September 9, 2010
I know I've been totally missing (from here and the bump boards). I've been busy at work and also trying my best to not use my work time to get on the internet for non-work purposes...it's hard!
I had my glucose tolerance test appointment this morning. I had the fruit punch flavor which I hear is the best one. It wasn't bad at all. Just really sugary. Then I went in, had my blood drawn, and a regular appointment. I had mine early because of the PCOS but even if this one turns out normal I still have to do another one at 30 weeks.
I weighed in at 165 this morning. The last two weigh-ins were in the evening but this one was in the early morning before eating anything (but after drinking the glucose) so I think this one is pretty accurate. So I've only gained 3lbs so far. I told my doctor that I feel like I'm carrying larger than other first time pregnant women at the same gestation but I've not gained much weight. Not that I'm complaining I just want to make sure that's not a sign of anything bad. I mean, I haven't had morning sickness at all so it can't be due to throwing up. And I eat when I'm hungry. I think it's because I haven't really had cravings and I did stop eating sugar and heavy carbs (well, I've reduced dramatically) since my doctor said I'm at a higher risk for gestational diabetes. I really want to avoid developing it so I've just adjusted the types of foods I eat regularly...switched to sugar free stuff since I have a sweet tooth.
I have to call back on Monday or Tuesday to find out the results. Unless it's bad then they will call me as soon as they know.
I'm going on 23 weeks on Saturday! Yippie!! 17 weeks left! We are going to work on the nursery soon.
Oh! We may have found a day care center that we love!! We've seen 4 so far and we have a 5th to see on the 22nd this month. But the first 3 sucked. They ranged from expensive and dingy, to downright dirty and bug infested. The 4th we went to was like heaven! And not even just because it was compared to the others, but it was really really nice. Clean, bright, huge, great security and outdoor spaces, great programming! We loved it. Once we check with the 5th and final site we will make our decision. It's exciting and nerve wracking because I know I'd rather nothing more than to have my little one with me all the time but...reality is we can't afford for me to be a SAHM. We are a 2 income household and that's the best for us.
Well, anyway...thanks to Amber Z who reminded me about blogging. Now off to visit her site!
Thursday, August 19, 2010
It's a BOY!! We had our level 2 on Monday so I will try to post the video on here somehow. Also, hubbs and I have interviewed a few day care centers so I want to share that experience at some point. I also have to update my monthly belly pics in the slideshow at the bottom of this page. I'll do that soon too.
I've been feeling the little one pretty much everyday now for the past week or two. It's pretty cool! We're also working on the registry and all that fun stuff.
I hope everyone is doing great!! I'll be back soon :)
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
*Thanks Ashley for providing a template on your blog. I hope you don't mind me using it*
How far along? 17 weeks 3 days
Baby's size? I think about 5 inches long from head to rump (about the size of my hand from the heal of my hand to the tip of my pinky) and about the weight of a turnip -according to babycenter.com. The Bump says about the length of an onion - a pretty big onion I guess.
Weight gain? I don't weigh myself at home I just wait for the OB appointments. My last appointment was at 14 weeks and I weighed 165 lbs so I'd only gained about 3 pounds. My next appointment is in a week so we'll see.
Maternity clothes? I've been wearing regular dresses, maternity bottoms, and some maternity tops but still mostly regular tops. Many of my tops are not long enough anymore so I've gone out and purchased a few work appropriate maternity shirts and a couple of t-shirts.
Stretch marks? Besides the ones that have been there since pre-pregnancy? Nope. I've never had stretch marks on my boobs or stomach area but I have (for years) had them on my rear, outer thighs, and some along my lower back right above my butt. I've been pretty consistent with putting lotion on my stomach every night after I shower but I guess if I'm going to get them there's not much I can do.
Belly button in or out? Still in. I can't imagine that will change anytime soon. It just looks deeper actually. I thought it was supposed to be the other way around?
Sleep? It's been just ok. I've been sleeping with the Snoogle which has posed it's own set of challenges. Dh and I switched sides in bed because the cosleeper will fit better on one side of the bed rather than the other so we decided to just go ahead and switch now since I hope to be breastfeeding. I find myself sleeping on my back even with the Snoogle every once in a while but I've been slowly getting used to sleeping on my left side for most of the night. If I wake up in the middle of the night I'll give myself a break and sleep on my right for a little while. I usually only wake up once during the night to pee so I'm glad it isn't more than that.
Foods I love? Popsicles, sweet/sour crunchy fruits (like grapes, granny smith apples), pretty much anything my Dominican MIL cooks, burgers, strawberry banana yogurt
Foods I hate? Luckily I haven't been having any food aversions really. Sometimes I'd rather not have chicken. Also, weirdest thing: Cheddar Chex Mix gave me acid reflux so I started taking Tums almost everyday for the calcium and hopefully to help prevent acid indigestion.
Best moment this week? Feeling flutters much more frequently this week. Also, DH had his hand on my lower stomach while we cuddled in bed and I felt a little movement and immediately DH said, "Babe, I just felt that!". Unfortunately, I'm not 100% sure it wasn't just gas so who knows. I would think it's too early for baby to be felt outside. Oh another thing was I finally learned (thanks to some tips from a fellow bumpie) how to find the baby's heart beat on the doppler I have at home! I found it on Friday while I was home alone so I recorded it on my cell and sent it to DH. He loved it!
Symptoms? I truley haven't had many at all. In the beginning (maybe weeks 6-9) I felt slight nausea a total of maybe 4-5 times but it always quickly went away and never resulted in vomitting. I didn't really have aversions to any foods. Hmmm...let's see...Well I definitely got those greenish veins all over my boobs. I had sore boobs for a couple months in the beginning but that went away weeks ago. I think my biggest symptom was hunger. I was hungry more often during the day and then when I'd eat I would feel full pretty fast too. One thing I'm experiencing now is that whenever I feel like I have to pee, I really think that it's a lot that's going to come out. When I do go, it's definitely less than I thought.
Gender? No clue. I have my anatomy scan in 2 weeks (August 16th) so we'll know then. A bigger part of me thinks it's a boy and I will definitely be shocked if it's a girl. But a tiny part of me says...maybe. My mom said that with my brother she was sick often but with me she wasn't sick at all. Hmmmmm....
What I miss? Just sleeping on my stomach I think. I don't really miss much else.
What I'm looking forward to? I'm looking forward to my OB appointment next week (even though they are taking blood) and especially the anatomy scan! And I'm also looking forward to having DH feel the baby move.
Weekly Wisdom? It's time to let go of my IVF meds. They've been a crutch for me this whole time and I need to let go. They represent a "what if"...a doubt. What if something goes wrong? But, having the meds won't make things better for us at that point. I'd rather have faith and let go of the meds. Let them go to someone who needs them and hopefully bless someone else with this miracle. Amen!
Milestone? So far it's just getting this far!
Emotions? Nothing out of control really. I've been pretty stable.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
We really thought she was going to screw us over on the security deposit because we did break the lease and she constantly reminded us that the apartment better be in good condition and that she was demanding that we get the carpet cleaned since we have a cat, etc etc. We will did leave the apartment clean but we certainly didn't have the carpet cleaned or do any of the other things she demanded of us.
Well, a couple days ago, we actually got the FULL security deposit back! We were both so shocked!! DH ran to the bank to deposit the check before it dissolved before our very eyes. Lol
On a side note: I begged DH to go out and buy me the Snoogle yesterday since I was at work and he was working from home. I had been sleeping restlessly for about a week and a half and just felt like I really needed this pillow. Well I tried it out last night and it was pretty awesome. I haven't quite gotten the hang of it yet but I did sleep much more soundly last night. It actually made it much more comfortable to sleep on my back. I have to figure out how to use it so that I stay on my left side. The only problem is that I currently sleep on the right side of the bed so if I turn onto my left side and use the snoogle (the length of the snoogle is basically supporting my entire back) then when I have to get up to pee in the middle of the night, I basically have to crawl over the snoogle which is uncomfortable. I tried briefly to use it the other way around so that the opening is behind me but I don't sleep as comfortably that way. Maybe the only other option is to switch sides of the bed with DH. We're planning on doing this anyway once the baby comes because he has more floor space on his side so that's where we will fit the cosleeper. Should we just switch now? Might as well I guess.
Thanks for stopping by!
Thursday, July 15, 2010
And what's really wrong with a classic name? They may be "common", yes, but are really respectable and strong. Like: William, Henry, Michael and Elizabeth, Catherine, and...ummm some other classic girl name (drawing a blank here).
Anyway...you won't catch us with a little Nevaeh or Jocshwahh running around.
We're pretty much set on a girl name and about 90% on a boy name. For some reason, the boy name was so much harder for us to choose and agree on. For a girl, we wanted a first name that started with an M (because me, my mom, and her mom all have an "M" name. For a middle name, we had a couple family names floating around but I wanted to incorporate DH in it too (his nickname is Alex). So we chose and agreed on Melanie Alexa for a girl.
For a boy we didn't use any tradition/family stuff because there was nothing we really loved. We went back and forth trying out names out loud... "c'mere Justin!"..."Gabriel, look at mommy!"..."what's wrong Daniel?" I don't know, they just didn't fit. Anyway, we randomly found some names that we both liked and played with various combinations and ended up with Ethan Bryce. We both really like this name and we may keep it permanently.
Now, how these names sound coming out of the mouth of our Spanish-speaking family members may be a different story. Melanie Alexa will definitely roll off the tongue beautifully in Spanish...but Ethan Bryce...not so much. But you know what? When you finally come to some kind of agreement and you're both happy with a name, sometimes you can't think of how others will pronounce it. Take DH's cousin...they just named their new son Jacob. Love the name! But they know that Spanish speaking family will change that to Jacobo...the Spanish version, pronounced "ha-co-bo"...yup. There's no Spanish version of Ethan so hopefully we're ok lol.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
One of my best friends loaned us her doppler over the weekend (she gave birth last month) and we checked the HB twice. Both times we thought we'd found it but it was hovering in the 80's...super low. We didn't panick, we honestly assumed either we just didn't know what the hell we were doing when using the doppler, or the doppler was messed up. Either way, we just thought it was cool that we got to hear it. So when we went in to our appointment yesterday, the doc confirmed that it was my HB we had been so happily listening to, not LO's! Hahaha! She showed me on her doppler what mine was like and then found LO's HB. There was a very obvious difference, not only in the speed but the sound of it as well. It just sounded different. We didn't realize at all that we could pick up my HB that low on my abdomen...woops!
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
The new apartment:
It's still a mess but things are definitely coming along. DH has been doing just about everything around the house. I've just been putting some small stuff away where they belong. We still have boxes and bags of stuff on the living room floor, the dining room table, and in the 2nd bedroom (which at the moment is the junk/storage room). We should be pretty much done by this weekend (I hope).
The 2nd trimester:
Well, I'm officially in the 2nd trimester tomorrow (13w4d) but pregnology.com says 13 weeks so I'm sticking with that...cuz I wanna, so there! Some doctors round up to 14 weeks but heck no! I have my second OB appointment on the 12th. I have no idea what to expect except PIAC, probably a weight check, blood pressure. What else do they do??
Want to hear something funny? This was probably a total fluke but last night I was in bed falling asleep. I was on my left side, and all of a sudden I felt a pop feeling on the right side of my belly that woke me up out of my semi-consciousness. Now I know what you're thinking because I'm thinking it too. But in that moment, whatever it was, made my heart start to race and I was just excited at the possibility. I didn't wake DH up or even tell him about it today because, again, it couldn't be, could it??
Life out of the pregnancy closet:
I totally have mixed feelings about having let "the world" know about our pregnancy. I am relieved to let it out because it was hard to keep this secret, especially at work where I was still wearing regular work pants trying to hide my growing belly and suffering in the meantime. I was also experiencing some anxiety that is now mostly released. Everyone has been sweet and encouraging about this.
On the other hand, I still have this "what if" feeling. I'm sure you can all guess the main "what if". Maybe I need to acquire a doppler for peace of mind??
Thursday, July 1, 2010
So everything that could go wrong with the move, did go wrong. The guy that was moving out of the apartment we were moving into had said he was going to be out of the apartment by Sunday the 27th. The super said he'd only need a day or two at the most to paint and fix some things so we were shooting for a move date of Tuesday or early Wednesday. We HAD to get out of our old apartment by the 30th. The landlady was harrassing us to give her a definite time that we'd be out by on Wednesday (because she needed to have the locks changed the very moment we handed over the keys). We had to argue with her that there was no way that we could give her a definite time. Why didn't she understand this??!
So on Monday and Tuesday we were reaching out to the super of the new place to find out what was going on and give us a green light to start the move (especially because DH had lots of friends on stand-by). It turns out that the guy in the old apt didn't move out on Sunday and wasn't planning on moving out until Wednesday night! (Which he has every right to do but it sucked for us because we trusted that he'd be out when he said he would). So when the hell would the painters have time to paint and stuff and how the hell will we be able to move in before the end of the day on the 30th??
It was a looooong day yesterday (the 30th) but I did go to work during the day while the guys packed up most of the old apartment into the truck (the truck was another story but whatever). So by the time I got home I did a little cleaning byut otherwise, we waited and waited and waited for the green light. The guys finally decided to just go to the new apartment and start dropping stuff off outside in order to empty the truck enough to go back and fit the rest of the stuff out of the old apartment. We just needed to be out of the old place asap. SIL and I ended up having to babysit some furniture outside the new place while the guys went to wrap up the old place. And we sat and sat and sat...
Finally SIL and I saw the guy who was moving out and asked him if he thought he could give us a time estimate as to when he'd be out completely. It was definitely after 8:30pm at that point. He said the apartment had been cleared out and open for hours. He was just taking out garbage! So I called DH and told him we finally had the green light (why couldn't we get it hours ago?!). DH didn't get back until about 9:15pm. His friends started unloading the truck and bringing things upstairs right away and DH and I flew back to the old apartment to return our keys (and yes, there was still a few things left so that had to come out). We did a quick search of the old place and then handed in our keys...good riddance!! (and yes, the handyman was right behind us changing the locks even before we had placed the keys in the landlady's hands)
We didn't get back to the new place until after 10pm and the guys were still moving stuff upstairs. About 2.5 hours later, everything was finally in (all over the place!) but it was done!! And guess what...I hadn't eaten since about 2pm!!! OMG I was so nervous that I had been negligent! We all disbursed and DH and I went to drop off the truck. We finally went to 7-11 to grab some food.
We got back and I realized that since the dude hadn't moved out until that very day, things were still dirty...like...the bathroom. So I cleaned the entire bathroom while the fan was blowing to get rid of the fumes. DH meanwhile was trying to make sense of the bedroom furniture so we'd have somewhere to sleep. I decided to shower and WTF?! the water came out of the showerhead AND the spout at the bottom at the same time so the water pressure sucked and a pool of water was rising at my ankles. THEN, some strange loud high pitched squealing noise started coming from the showerhead! WTH is that?!! So I showered up as fast as possible. By then it's definitely well past 2:30am. DH was just finishing up with the bedroom furniture when our downstairs neighbor knocked on our door to complain about the noise. Great first impression, huh?!
Finally we got to crawl into our bed after 3am (and after DH took his own squealing shower) praying we'd make it up for our 9am NT scan that morning. THEN...somewhere between falling asleep and the morning, while it was still dark, I stretched in my sleep and give myself the worst calf cramp in BOTH calves!! Sooooo painful I was squirming and whining (again, I wonder what the downstairs neighbors must've thought). After my charlie horses I got some nasty cramps in my lower abdomen. Eventually they subsided and I fell back to sleep.
After my novel about our move from hell (there are other hellish things I left out -like the guys stepping in fresh dog shit and tracking it into the new apartment before realizing what they'd done)...we had a pretty awesome morning.
My NT screening was this morning at 9am. The ultrasound was soooooo awesome! We got to see the usual ultrasound images, but we also heard the HB at 157, saw the blood flow to the baby, and then she switched to a 3D image! Baby was resting which at first freaked me out because last time he/she was moving around. Not this time...but we were eased with the great heart rate, and then towards the end we started seeing movement: opening and closing the mouth, moving arms and legs, little jumps. Sooo cool. DH and I started crying when we saw the 3D images (sorry for calling you out baby!). It's so real!! Check it out!
Also, the nuchal translucency measured 1.2mm and they like to see less than 3mm so we're good so far. Still have to wait for the blood work (which was a finger stick not the usual tube of blood from your arm) to confirm a result.
My anatomy scan is scheduled for August 19th and they told us we can bring a DVD to record the scan!! Oh, and little one was measuring right on point with what my OB measured (12w5d).
And, if you can believe it, I decided not to call out from work even though I am so tired and my eyes are burning. So I am at work right now (been here for several hours now) and I told my staff today. They were so excited. It's amazing how getting that off my chest at work has definitely reduced my anxiety at work (which I've been having lately). Yay!! We plan to tell the extended family and friends on Sunday!
I know, I know I've written way too much but this is like a journal entry. It's for you and for me...it feels good to give myself a summary of the last 24 hours. So much has happened. If you stuck with me the entire way through (or even if you skimmed and got most of the story), THANK YOU!!
PS - sorry but I tend to switch back and forth from past ro present tense when I tell stories. I went back to try to fix them all but I may have missed some.
Monday, June 28, 2010
In other news, I had a terrible time sleeping last night. It seemed the AC was so loud that it kept me up. And, as usual, I got up between 3am and 4am to pee. Also, I'm definitely starting to show (check out my latest belly pic addition in my slideshow at the bottom of the page)...I think people are starting to look at me and wonder what's going on with my expanding belly. After my NT scan on Thursday I will be ready to share the news with the world...especially since I'll officially be in the 2nd trimester this Saturday!
Good things to come!
Friday, June 18, 2010
Ok, I checked and all I found was information on:
Areola darkening - somewhat (Check)
Areola enlarging - definitely (Check)
Noticable veins under the skin of the breasts - yes (Check)
Soreness - was worse in the beginning but not so bad now (Check)
Breasts increasing in cup size - yes (Check)
So , nothing on flaking areola skin during pregnancy so maybe I just need lotion LOL.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
This was my first appointment with the OB and we were so nervous, hoping everything was ok. We didn't necessarily have a reason to worry, but I guess when you become a parent (or pre-parent) you worry just because. I'm learning that now.
It turns out that my EDD is changed again...this time probably for good. Actually, the previous dates were all my estimates based on each measurement they took at the RE office. The OB said it will stay at 1/8/10. So we won't be changing it again on you, k ? Imagine my surprise when I saw 10w4d on the screen when I thought I was only 10w1d today. Yay! I gained some days!
My NT screening is scheduled for July 1st and my next OB appointment is scheduled for July 12th. Yay to getting at least 1 more ultrasound soon!
Friday, June 11, 2010
Monday, June 7, 2010
Friday, June 4, 2010
Friday, May 28, 2010
We went to see an apartment on Wednesday that we both liked. It's a smaller apartment and 2BRs instead of 3 but it's cozy and still plenty spacious. The living room, dining room, and bedrooms are all great sizes so we're happy about that. Also the LR, DR, and kitchen are close to one another so it does lend itself to an open floor plan feel. The kitchen, unfortunately, is tiny. There is no counter space...but then again, there's no counter space where we are now even though the kitchen itself is large. The bathroom is ok...nothing special. At least it doesn't have fugly pink tiling like our current one. It's also a 3rd floor walk up but there are only 2 flights to climb.
There is off street parking, literally a 15 second walk from the front door of the building to a bus stop which hubbs can take to work. We will also have laundry in the basement which is cool. I've never had that.
We're just relieved to be getting out of our current nightmare situation. We are trying to get the landlady to sign a letter stating both parties are mutually agreeing to allow the lease to be broken and that upon a satisfactory inspection, we;d get our security deposit back. We are still waiting for it to be signed. She claims she is willing to sign it but, of course, has to make sure the wording is ok. We are signing the lease for the new apartment this afternoon! We're also happy that we get to actually start setting up a nursery in a few months (well...in the 3rd tri)! We would have never done so if we were staying in the current apartment. Not with knowing that the lease would be expired a few months after the baby would be born. We'd never stay there beyond the lease expiration.
Anyway, please wish us luck because we definitely will need it! And if you've visited and commented this week, thank you!!
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
We got home after 9pm and I was so sleepy that I just couldn't open my laptop to visit some blogs. And I had been busy all day at work that day. Yesterday I was super busy at work. As a moatter of fact I was out of the office all afternoon. When I got home I cooked and was so hot and tired I just layed on the couch like a lump and watched TV.
I am going to do my best to visit blogs and comment today since I don't have any more meetings today. This evening we're going to see another apartment. I'll have to update you all on the letter we drafted up to terminate our lease.
Aaaanyways...today we had our 3rd ultrasound. I found out I'm 7w1d so now my new EDD is 1/11/11! Isn't that cool?! RE said everything looks great. I get to reduce my PIO dose by half starting tonight and she said I should only have 1 week left on it! I have my last appointment with the RE next Wednesday the 2nd of June and then they will release me to my OB. I had my first OB apt already shceduled for the 2nd so I'm going to cancel it and keep my apt for the 16th instead. Makes more sense that way.
I leave you with a pic of our little bean at 7w1d (today):
Monday, May 24, 2010
We live in a 2 family house where the landlady lives on the 1st floor and we live above her on the 2nd floor. We have recently discovered that she is certifiably loony toons! we are so upsent because we invested a lot of our own time, effort, and money on updating this apartment and now we are willing to throw all of that away to preserne our own sanity.
See our apartment renovation pics here.
Here are some glimpses into our world...what we've been living with for the past 7 weeks.
- The day we moved in, she showed up a picture of her husband and told us that she has a restraining orer on him for extreme violence and to call the police if we ever see him on the property. Uhhh....wtf?
- She calls the cops to the house every other week claiming someone is trying to break into her apartment and then ignores our calls when we try to call her to ask if anything is wrong
- She called the cops last Friday and claimed...get this...that there are 3 people that come in and out of our apartment on a regular basis (she says 2 work for "the state" and 1 works for DYFS - which is what CPS is called in NJ). She said that they tried to get into her apartment and threatened to rape her. WHA????!!! These 3 people are a total fabrication on her part. She demanded that the officer search every single room in our apartment (which, of course, turned up absolutely nothing but a very well-kept, clean apartment).
- She has called to tell us to stop slamming doors which we never do
- She told us to stop "chit-chatting" at 3:30am because it annoys her (we are knocked out at that time)
- She told us to stop playing our music so loud. We don't play the music loud. And whenever we do play music it is always early afternoon or evening on the weekends. We are always conscious of her downstairs so we would never play music after 9:30pm.
- She smokes heavily inside her apartment. Her bedroom is right under ours so there are many times that I have to leave our bedroom or close the door to our half bath (inside our bedroom) because the smoke smell is so strong. We have told her about this. She has apologized yet it has not stopped at all.
- She just got the central air system switched to cool (4 days ago) and has already called last night to tell us that she is going to shut the system down because it is costing her too much to operate it and that we have to have air conditioners put in.
Ahhhhhh!!! I can't wait to leave!
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Saturday, May 22, 2010
I read yesterday that women with PCOS are at a much higher risk for miscarriage. That along with my lack of symptoms keeps me worried.
Wednesday I have my 3rd ultrasound so hopefully I'll feel better after that.
Friday, May 21, 2010
My husband and I married in October of 2008 after having known each other since 2001 and dated since around 2005. I stopped BCP right after the wedding and we were officially TTC. I knew it might take a while because of the BCP but little did I know I have PCOS. About a year after starting TTC I was diagnosed and started seeing an RE (in November 2009). Since then, we've had 4 failed IUIs - 2 with Clomid and 2 with injectables (the last of which ended in a c/p). After the 4th attempt and failure, we decided to move on to IVF. All IUI/IVF cycles have been documented in this blog.
My egg retrieval was on 4/19. They retrieved 23 eggs, 11 fertilized and a total of 5 were healthy enough to transfer 2 on 4/22 and freeze the remaining 3.
On 5/2/10 I took about 5 HPTs, all positive! I finally had my BFP! The next day we went in to have my beta hCG drawn. Beta #1 was 219, Beta #2 was 488, and beta #3 a week later was 6,876! I had an ultrasound 2 days ago and saw our baby for the first time...we also saw the heartbeat!! The RE says everything is looking great and we're cautiously optimistic. I'll have my next ultrasound next week on Wednesday and I think the RE will release me to my OB soon after.
Thank you for visiting! Please leave a comment...I'd like to visit your blog too!
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Therefore, I've been totally avoiding my white panties during this pregnancy...such an irrational fear but I can't help it! I need to go buy some new colorful panties.
Monday, May 17, 2010
It really just looks like a stretchy sports bra so I hope I don't waste my money on this if it isn't worth it. It's about $50!
So in 2 days (on Wednesday) hubbs and I are going back to the RE for a 2nd u/s! She said we should see the heartbeat so I'm super excited. As always, I'm still nervous but, little by little, the nerves are giving way to more and more excitement!
This almost still doesn't seem 100% real. But I pray to God it is!
Friday, May 14, 2010
But I just HAD to call today to ask the nurse what the level was. She said it was 6,876! Things are looking good!
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Update on me: I've been sleepy more often. At around 8:30 or 9:00 at night I usually fall asleep on the couch while the hubbs is watching TV. I am not sleeping too well since I have this cold and I pretty much cough all night. My boobies hurt more at night while I'm in bed. I've been wearing a bra to sleep hoping to make it better. The weird hunger all the time has not been so bad the last few days. I wonder if it's because I'm sick. No morning sickness yet and no frequent urination as far as I can tell.
I'm just hoping that my high betas are a good sign and keep doubling like they're supposed to. I hope the RE sees what she's supposed to see tomorrow morning to confirm a healthy pregnancy.
Friday, May 7, 2010
I hope this is only a one day thing because tomorrow is hubby's birthday and I'm taking him to the city for dinner and a comedy club with some friends! I'm looking forward to it but I so do not want to feel this crappy.
Also, we have a slight dilemma. I have to take my PIO shot at 10pm. The comedy show starts at 8pm and should be over before then but our friends are going to be there. Only 1 couple knows about the shots (even though they still don't know about the pregnancy). How the heck am I going to do this? I just can't do it on my own. I need Alex to help. This should be interesting.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
I have my first ultrasound appointment scheduled for 5/12 (Next week on Wednesday) with the RE. I will be staying with the RE until 8 weeks and then they will release me to the OB. I think they will be monitoring me weekly until then.
I also scheduled my first OB appointment for June 2nd and a backup for June 16th in case the RE hasn't released me by the 2nd.
Right now I am about 4.5 weeks along so super early. I haven't been experiencing many symptoms. I have been getting hungry more frequently and sore boobs. I did get queasy a couple of times but nothing too bad. I'll keep you posted.
Monday, May 3, 2010
I took yet another HPT test this morning and got a lovely plus sign within about 15-20 seconds!
Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!! I'm just praying for a great beta number ::Oh please Lord let this be it!::
I'll update this post later on.
UPDATE: My beta is 219!!! I'm so happy!!!
Sunday, May 2, 2010
This is the living room. I'll post several angles.