Not good news :*(

So the beta was negative.

I found out today at 3pm. Had a good cry with DH on the phone afterwards with my co-workers oblivious on the other side of the door. It's nearly 5:30pm now and I can't wait to get home. I am just so sleepy all of a sudden. It's like a crash at the end of a sugar high. I was excited, anxious, and nervous all day and now all I really want to do is get home, shower, and crawl into bed.

Let the dreams take me away...

Beta tomorrow!

I haven't felt this nervous in a while. Until today, I've been totally calm and collected. Sitting here at work with not much work to speak of, my mind is wandering. I am excited and scared at the same time. I am praying so hard that I am pregnant. I am 14dpiui today and I will not POAS. Don't get me wrong, I'm dying to know. But I am just too much of a wuss to test.

OMG tomorrow will be worse than today. The time between the beta blood work being drawn and THE call will be torture. I have to stay calm. Think of other stuff...what's for dinner, which restaurant should I choose for dinner with a BFF on Wednesday, what book should I read next, am I getting sick (sore throat & chills), ahhhhh!!

My IUI experience so far

On Sunday I went in for another monitoring appointment (b/w and u/s) with DH. We went into the room together and the RE told us my follie was at 21mm, so it had grown another 3mm. Then the nurse gave me the trigger shot of Ovidrel in my stomach. I really thought it was going to hurt more than it did. It hurt less than the blood work does.

So Monday morning DH and I went in bright and early. No b/w or u/s. DH went in and made his "deposit". It was going to take an hour after that to do the IUI so I took the opportunity to take DH to the train station so he could get to work. At around 8am they called me in. The RE came in and verified the names on some forms and the tube with DH's sperm. It's funny because DH was actually worried that they may mistakenly switch samples with some other man...lol. I assured him afterward that I saw his name on the tube with my own eyes.

So the actual IUI process took not even a minute I think. If felt just like a pap smear. The speculum was more uncomfortable than the catheter. Afterwards, I laid there for about 5 minutes, then got dressed and left for work. I actually got in to work 15 minutes early!

For the rest of the day I felt fine. There was a point when I was driving (I had a long drive later on in the day) that I felt light cramps that felt just like a period cramp. Otherwise, I had no more cramping or discomfort.

I have a blood work appointment on Friday which I assume is to verify ovulation and then my beta is scheduled for the 29th. Exciting!

IUI scheduled for Monday!!!

Ahhhhhh!! We're so excited. My follie grew 6mm in 2 days!! It's now at 19mm so I have to go back tomorrow for another ultrasound and they will trigger me there. Then we go back on Monday for the IUI. Woohoo!!!

CD 10 appointment

I have a 13mm follie growing on the right! I was told they grow about 2mm per day. I have my next appointment on Saturday so I pray it will grow!!

IUI #1 is in progress!

Today is CD 3. I went for my baseline monitoring today which consisted of blood work and u/s (from my understanding subsequent monitoring visits will be the same). The nurse gave me the prescription for Clomid which I am starting tonight -actually, in a few minutes.

I have my first monitoring visit on the 10th. I also found out (well actually they told me before but I mistakenly thought that "injectables" and the "trigger" are the same thing) that I will be triggering - luckily it will probably take place during one of the visits so I won't have to do it myself.

I didn't fill the Ovidrel (trigger) prescription because it's $107!! They said I need pre-authorization from the doctor's office so I decided not to fill it today since the nurse told me I wouldn't be needing it for over a week. I left a message with the nurse so they could work it out with the insurance company. Of course, if I end up having to pay, I will. But if I can get it cheaper...heck yeah!

Plan for IUI

So hubbs and I went to see an RE for the first time on November 5th. We have so much faith that this place will help us get pregnant! We have a great feeling about it. We had a consult and the RE basically knew my entire history and didn't need to look at her notes at all. I then had a bunch of blood work done (7 viles of blood) taken both at the RE's office and at the lab. They also took 3 viles for DH. They also did an U/S I think to basically verify the PCOS and I believe the RE just wanted to see stuff for herself. The RE also put me on Loestrin 24 birth control pills to TTA for now while we await the results of all of the blood work. She also wants DH to get another SA at her office to check for additional stuff that the original SA did not check for.

Last week, I heard back from the RE office. DH's blood work came back fine and he can go ahead and schedule his SA probably this week. As for me, right now I am on day 1 of the birth control placebo pills which means I will get my period any day now. I am going to call tomorrow to see if I can just start the Clomid on Day 3 or if I have to wait to start another cycle of BCPs. They told me that once they get all of my blood work back, they will call me to stop the BCP and once I get my period they will put me on the Clomid CD 3-7 and then IUI #1! BUT, they haven't called me regarding the results yet so I will call them tomorrow. Hopefully, they will let me do the Clomid now and the IUI will be done a little earlier than I thought. Fingers crossed!

PCOS

So I have PCOS :( My doc just called to tell me. And here I thought the HSG and U/S showed nothing negative.

But at least now I know. She referred me to an RE. Here goes...

So the rest of my anniversary week...

kind of fell flat. It started getting cold and rainy by Wednesday and we ended up not doing the things we said we'd do like go to a comedy club and to this restaurant in the city with supposedly some slammin' paella. So boooooo!

On Saturday night, hubbys' cousin was throwing a birthday party so we went there and I actually enjoyed myself...so much so that when the sun came up I was shocked at how the time had flown by. We finally hit the sack at about half past 8...yes, AM! We slept until about 5 in the evening. I've been slightly "off" ever since. I think I may crawl my ass into bed by around 10 tonight to get some more sleep. I awoke this morning seriously considering calling out even though I was out all last week.

I'm still waiting for my doc to call to explain/reiterate my HSG and U/S results. I don't know but for some reason I have this sneaking suspicion that the U/S tech may have found something. Maybe PCOS?? Who knows. But I know my doc received the results yesterday (because I called) and I fully expected her to call me back yesterday. Today then? Should I call? I dont know. I'd like to move this process along. I mean...it HAS been a full year.

My Anniversary week so far!

Hello all!

This has been an awesome week so far. Sunday (10/11) we went to see The Lion King on Broadway then to dinner at Mars 2112. Although we probably wont be going back to Mars anytime soon since the food was not great and it was more for children, it was fun for a one time thing and DH and I did have fun in the arcade room after dinner...we played Dance Dance Revolution (he beat me every time!).

On Monday I had my HSG and U/S unfortunately on the day of our Anniversary! We were there from 1:30 until a little after 3pm. You can read about the experience below. After that I felt fine so we went to the movies to see Couple's Retreat which was not as funny as we expected and the timing was sucky too because there is a big infertility reference. Afterwards DH decided we should go to this Japanese Hibachi restaurant called Mt. Fuji near our home. It was pretty cool. DH had sushi and I had this Filet Mignon dish that was really yummy. When we got back home we realized that we had to eat a piece of our wedding cake which we stored in our freezer all year. I really didn't want to take a bite but we did anyway. We sent the rest to MIL who wanted it. I don't know what for but hopefully it doesn't make her sick or anything.

On Tuesday (yesterday) we decided to take our 2 year old nephew to the Zoo. We had such a nice time with him! We saw all the animals, went on a train ride around the zoo, picked a cute little pumpkin, took lots of pictures, and finished up buying him a few things from the gift shop. Later on, after SIL came to our house to take him home, I searched the internet for where to go for dinner.

I found this little spot in Edgewater called The Magic Pot Fondue Bistro. Let me tell you...soooooooooooooooooo yummy. We spent about $100 but it was well worth every last penny. And I should also say that we haven't really been drinking any alcohol because I have to take antibiotics since the HSG. But this fondue place was awesome. We had an appetizer of fondue mozarella and provolone cheese with bread and apple pieces. The entree was the funnest part. You actually have to cook your own meats. You choose a broth from the menu (we chose Coq au Vin) and then you chose 4 items to cook in the boiling broth. They bring you rice already cooked and also veggies that you have the option of cooking. But the 4 additional items we chose were teryaki pork, beef, salmon and cheese & spinach ravioli. So basically you each have 2 forks and the 4 items come on a plate cut into small chunks. You take turns each skewering 2 pieces of meat (or ravioli) and sticking it in the boiling broth for 2 minutes each time. So you are basically cooking and eating as you go. It also came with 4 dipping sauces (ginger, garlic butter, soy, and marinara). We were so full afterwards but we had ordered the dinner package for 2 which included the dessert. I was full but I was not about to miss out on the dessert which was a platter of tiny chunks of strawberries, bananas, brownies, marshmallows, nilla wafers, and rice crispies treats covered in powdered sugar which we dunked in a caramel and milk chocolate with slices of toasted almonds fondue. Yuummmmmmmmm!!!!!!!!!!! We will definitely be returning. They even gave us 2 discount cards so that we could come back and have an appetizer and dessert for $25! Yes, please and thank you!

Today we are going to go to the batting cages and eat dinner at home. I'm going to cook chicken and potatoes just because I have chicken already seasoned in the fridge which I don't want to go bad. So today is an easy-going day. We are going to have lunch out somewhere though but some place simple. I'll fill you in more later or tomorrow.

HSG and U/S

On Monday (10/12/09) I had my HSG and U/S. The HSG was painful and uncomfortable but the test showed that my tubes are open. My advise for those who haven't had this done yet, if your doc makes you do this, when it starts to hurt just close your eyes and concentrate on your breathing. Breathe in deep and slow. That helped me.

The U/S was abdominal and intravaginal as well (what GPers refer to as the "dildocam"). The tech said that everything looked fine but that my doctor would contact me when she receives the official results. I'm going to ask my doc to refer me to an RE right away.

According to my health insurance manual:

Here is what it says about fertility/infertility:

Under COVERED Services and Supplies it says "Procedures and prescription drugs to enhance fertility, except where specifically excluded in the Contract. We cover charges for: artificial insemination; and standard dosages, lengths of treatment and cycles of therapy of Prescription Drugs."

Under NON-COVERED Services and Supplies it says "services or supplies furnished in connection with any procedured to enhance fertility which involve harvesting, storage and/or manipulation of eggs and sperm. This includes, but is not limited to the following: a) procedures: in vitro fertilization; embryo transfer; embryo freezing; and Gamete Intra-Fallopian Transfer (GIFT) and Zygote Intr-Fallopian Transfer (ZIFT), donor sperm, surrogate motherhood, and b) Prescription Drugs not eligible under the prescription drugs section of the Policy.

As for hospital delivery of a baby it says that I'm covered up to 48 hours after vaginal delivery and a minimum of 96 hours after a c-section (this sounds pretty standard right?).

First time cooking Mofongo!!!!!

So Mofongo is a Dominican dish which in its most basic form only requires a few simple and easy to find ingredients: green plantains, salt, vegetable or olive oil, and garlic. Dominicans typically also use some sort of pork fat for taste such as bacon or -wait for it - crushed pork rinds as my Mother-in-law uses (it's good I promise).

I made it for the first time today and it was gooooooooooood!!

Here is the final product:

Here are the ingredients for the Mofongo:

You basically cut the plantain in 3/4" slices (just like you would cut a banana for a child), heat up about 1" of the oil in a pan, fry the plantains for about 4-6 minutes (turn half way through) and make sure you don't over cook them in this step. You don't want them to be too firm.When they are done you should remove them from the oil and drain in a bowl lined with paper towels.

You then use a mortar and pestle (pilon) or you can use a food processor (just don't over process) and crush about 1/2 of a small clove of garlic, then smash either the cooked bacon or 1-2 pieces of pork rinds, then take 5-6 of the plantain pieces and smash it as well (don't do this separately, you should smash all of this together in the same mortar and pestle). You should add small amounts of olive oil as you smash so that it doesn't get too dry. Add salt to taste and continue to smash. KEEP TASTING! Then you form the mixture into 3" balls. If it falls apart easily then it probably needs a little more olive oil. Some people add another step which is to then put the ball back into the pan just to lightly sear the outside. I did that today and DH said he like that.

You would eat this with a meat on the side and the sauce from the meat drizzled over the Mofongo. My favorite thing to have with it is shrimp so that's how I made it today.

I used medium shrimp that are raw. Season with whatever you want -I usually use Old Bay Seasoning. In a pan add a small amount of oil. Add thinly sliced red onions and green peppers. Cook this for a few minutes to soften up the onions and peppers. Add a dollop of butter and a small amount of garlic and cook like this for about 1 minute. Then add cream to the mixture (today I also added a little bit of tomato sauce). Lastly, add the shrimp to the pan, stir thoroughly and cover. Cook like this for about 10 minutes or so. Uncover for the last 2-3 minutes to allow the butter and milk/cream to thicken. Stir once again at the end. Make sure there is some sauce left in the pan. If it has dried out, add more butter and cream and heat for a couple more minutes. You definitely want some sauce.

Once the Mofongo and the shrimp are done. You can serve separately and let your guests combine it on their plates or just put the Mofongo balls on a serving dish, with the back of a spoon press down on the top of each ball to make an indentation (it's ok if they break open a little because the sauce will penetrate much better anyway), and then pour your shrimp and sauce mixture over the mofongo and let your guests grab from the serving dish.

Sorry for the crappy quality pics (I took these with my Nintendo DSi)

Enjoy!

Overwhelming need to CONNECT

Hi out there (whoever actually reads this ;),

Lately, I've had this nagging feeling that I need to be more connected to people. Family, old and new friends, e-friends...

I've recently got on FB and actually found old classmates from HS and started reconnecting at least just to catch up. I don't mean that all of a sudden I'm going to be making plans to hang out and get together with people.

I just want to feel like I have access to a network of people who know something significant about me and can be there to share a joke, a success, a story, an emotion. I want to feel like part of something positive that others are part of too. It's a nice feeling.

Weird and kinda creepy dream last night

Over the coarse of the day I have forgotten many details but I dreamed that there was a baby with an adult face/head that had an adult brain and all but the body of a baby (like it was some kind of birth defect or condition). This wasn't my baby but maybe like a family member's or family friend's baby.

I remember it being night time outside of a church and some event or something was underway and there were lots of people around. I don't remember seeing anyone I know.

I remember 2 distinct things about this dream: (1) close to the beginning of this dream I recall someone else holding the "baby" and was being really careless with holding her (it was a female), almost to the point of dropping her and so I reached out and took her and held her for the rest of the dream, and (2) toward the end of the dream the "baby" said something like "have you accepted Jesus into your life?" I remember I either responded or was thinking something like "well...I believe in Jesus and I pray but I don't necessarily go to church or anything" but I definitely remember feeling sheepish and caught off-guard about it.

Is that too weird or what!?!?!

Just for kicks

Dear Easy-Off Oven Cleaner,

I freakin' heart you.
That is all.

XOXO,
Mari

Last night: SYTYCD Live

Good morning blogger world!

I am sooo sleepy...I wish I could call out from work but I have a meeting this morning so I'll have to suck it up.

Hubbs and I went to see the SYTYCD Live show at the Prudential Center. It was nice to do something fun together and now I can say that I saw them dance live...BUT, I wouldn't want to do it again. I don't know what I was thinking but I was kind of expecting them to have new routines and then just throw in some of the crowd favorites.

That was dumb of me, I know that now.

It was just like watching one of their episodes (sans judges and Kat Deely)...they did all of the favorite routines which was cool and they did the 30 second solos, the super hero girls routine and the willy wonka guys routine. They also did 2 routines with all 10 dancers. It was cool, but I'd already seen each and every routine they performed even down to the solos.

Probably the part I enjoyed best was the fact that the dancers hosted the entire show. They took turns and made it funny with mini skits and stuff...that was cute.

We didn't have the best seats, we were pretty much watching them dance from the left side of the stage (like a 90 degree angle). And they had 3 large screens so that the audience could see them better butI don't know why they couldn't turn the screens that were placed to the left and right (there was a giant screen in the center) at an angle so the audience sitting to the far left and right of the stage could see the smaller screens better...that kind of sucked. All 3 screens were facing straight ahead.

Anyway, we got great parking right across from the Prudential Center (although it was $30!!!) so we didn't have to stay stuck in traffic for too long. We got back home at around 10:30 to shower and watch our DVR'd Grey's Anatomy.

I freakin love that show and the 2 hour premiere made me cry as this show usually does. We went to bed at around 12:30am.

So, now I'm sleepy. It's 8:47am and I have a meeting at 10am. I pray that this day flies by so that I can rush home to shower, change into comfy clothes and let the weekend start to soak in!

Went to the new doc today

The appointment went really well this morning. I am pretty happy with the new doc - and not to mention that this office is literally a few blocks from my house which is awesome.

I waited about 20 minutes to be seen, so that wasn't too bad at all. They have a pretty decent size waiting room with a Tv and stuff so I wasn't too bored (I was also playing with my new DSi.

Pause for a laugh: As the assistant was walking me to the exam room I thought she said "buenos dias" which is a Spanish greeting so I said "buenos dias" back...she looked at me funny and kept walking. I thought about it and realized she hadn't said "buenos dias" she had noticed my "DS" as I was putting it back into my purse and had mentioned it, LOL! Durrr, I felt dumb after I realized but was too embarrassed to explain myself.

Anyway, so here's what we discussed:
Doc was noticeably surprised when I told her my last doc office had planned on putting me on Clomid for 4-6 months unmonitored. I told her I only did 2 cycles and then stopped. She was also surprised that the last place didn't send me for an HSG or a pelvic ultrasound. So, my next steps are to do a round of Provera starting on Saturday and then call the Radiologist to schedule an HSG and Pelvic Ultrasound when I get my period. She said if the HSG shows my tubes are blocked, she will refer me to an RE for treatments. She said if they are not blocked, then she will precribe Clomid for 1 or 2 cycles (especially since I told her that the 2 cycles I had done before did make me Ovulate) and also do IUI's with it as well as possibly FSH. If those 2 cycles don't work she will then send me to an RE.

She was so sweet, when I told her it's been 11 months she said "don't worry. we'll get you pregnant". I thought that was sweet and reassuring. It makes me think of something I heard at a conference this week at work...something like: "there's nothing false about hope".

So...here we go!

Appointment with new doc tomorrow and other news...

Hello,

I have my first appointment with the new doc tomorrow morning. I'm nervous and excited. I mean...it's a normal regular check-up but I guess I have high hopes that I will get the help I need with TTC. The place I used to go to was really out of my way, I was only seen ever by the nurse practitioner (not the OBGYN), and I wasn't being monitored on Clomid. So now, I am hopeful that I will get the attention I desire and the referrals/tests/whatever that I need. At this point, hubbs and I have been officially TTC for 11 months now...we are hoping for some answers and solutions.

Guess what! My brother and his wife are pregnant and they found out it's going to be a girl! How exciting! Even more exciting is the fact that at the 60th birthday celebration of my brother's father-in-law at a fancy hall on Friday, my brother announced to the entire table that he chose MY HUSBAND to be the Godfather!! We were so shocked and elated! I was so proud and hubbs was touched. So sweet and wonderful to know that my brother feels that way about hubbs..yay!

One more thing...tomorrow night hubbs and I are going to So You Think You Can Dance Live at the Prudential Center in Newark. It's weird but I'm a little less excited than when I first purchased the tickets. I kind of wish that I had saved the money now. I'm sure we'll enjoy it though.

Anyway, I'll keep you posted on tomorrow's happenings...wish me luck!

Obsessed with Polyvore.com

Visited Polyvore.com for the first time today to see what it's about...I freakin LOVE it. I've been pretty much obsessed for several hours today playing around with styles. Check out what I put together!

EDIT (9/24/09): I realized that the slides below are automatically updated whenever I create and publish a new "set". This is showing all of the sets I have done to date (not just the ones I did that first day).

Find me on Polyvore

Anniversary plans

Hubbs and I ordered tickets to go see The Lion King on Broadway and then catch dinner at Mars 2112 all for about $240! I'm excited, I LOVE Broadway! We're less than 1 month away!

Spotting

I'm spotting again. It started late on Friday but it's really light spotting...almost nothing. Like, barely need a panty liner.

What could this be? Hubbs and I hope that it means that my period is finally regulating itself after so many years on birth control. I just can't wait to have a real honest period.

SO funny how a couple that has been TTC for nearly a year now could get excited about a period. Aren't you supposed to pray you MISS your period, lol?

If she asks again, I will throat punch her!

I have a colleague that asks me if I'm pregnant almost every time I see her (which is like once or twice a month). And it's not because she is excited for me to get pregnant -even though she acts like that's why. It's because she thinks I LOOK pregnant! And I'm not just imagining it. Today, for example, I was wearing a dress which tied in a knot right below my boobs and flowed down to my knees. She sat by me today during this day-long meeting I had to attend today, just to say (with a stupid look on her face) "that's a pretty dress...soooo...it's kind of flowy and stuff...soooo??? are you, you know?"

Ughhhhh...how annoying! Every time she does this to me I say NO...I will let you know when I am, I promise (even though, hell no! who the hell are you?!)

What a dumb lady...I'm so sick of her!

Going for it again

So I haven't lost any weight...I've been enjoying not being on a diet (which I was supposed to be on) or exercising (which I was supposed to be doing).

I decided to go see a new doc and hope for the best. This one is right around the corner from my house so that's good. My last doc was ok but wasn't monitoring me on clomid so I only did 2 rounds on my own and stopped. I have my first appt with the new doc on Sept 24th (the morning of SYTYCD). Hubbs said that we should do it the right way this time. I agree.

We're already going on 1 year soon (Oct) of TTC which is crazy! Oh I forgot to mention, about 25 days ago I started spotting which was surprising because I haven't gotten my period on my own for a long time. I spotted for about 6 days and I say spotting because it was brownish the entire time but at times it was heavy enough to result in small glops of blood in the toilet so...spotting? period? not 100% sure.

So I started charting again today. I figured it might be good thing to do so that I at least have a couple recent weeks of charting for the new doc.

By the way, follow me on twitter if you want (Mari0430). Comment me on this blog with your twitter name so that I don't block you like I have been doing to anyone who follows me that I don't know.

We begin again...

Find me on twitter!!

MN0430

Mid-August already???

WTH...I can't believe it's August 11th already...holy cow this summer is flying by for me. My first anniversary is also drawing nearer (Oct 12th)...yeesh!

Going to SYTYCD Live Show!!

I'm so excited!! Hubbs and I booked tickets to go see SYTYCD Live at the Prudential Center in Newark, NJ on September 24th!! It's the top 10 dancers..I hope they do new routines.

Did anyone see Brandon's solo this week...unreal! I tried to find it on youtube to link it for you but they've been removed due to copyright stuff.

Anyway....YAY!

Time Traveler's Wife -MOVIE!!

This is the first blog worthy topic in a while for me (especially since my diet has crashed and burned).

My favorite book ever has been made into a movie and is coming out in theaters on August 14th!! I can't wait to see it, I got goosebumps as I watched the preview on TV and realized what it was!

Here's a trailer for the Time Traveler's Wife!

I lost about 3 and a half pounds so far...

It's been about 10 days since I made the decision to stop actively TTC and focus on my health. I've been eating better and working out almost every day! I really hope I can keep it up.

Great news...I feel a difference already in my arms. I decided to incorporate weights into my workout which is usually just cardio (eliptical machine and other work out videos on demand). But I've been using some little 3lb weights consistently and hubbs says he can already see some definition in my arms and I can actually feel it too.

I've also been doing some pilates workouts to slim and tone my legs. Actually, if you have comcast maybe you have this workout on there. It's under "10 minute workouts" and it's called something like "Leg Slimmer and Toner"...something like that.

It feels good to be working out again. I think I need to do better with the eating right part though.

On another note: I'm on CD14 today and I wonder what my body is up to. I haven't noticed any CM when wiping or anything. On Clomid I O'd on CD16 and 17 so I just wonder if I will O on my own this cycle and if so, when. Anyway...trying not to think about it...

Bra Review

Ok, I'm going to share with you all my favorite bra so far. Great support with NO underwire and the girls still look great in this bra...with or without your shirt!

It's the Enchanted smooth microfiber bra and a very close second is the Enchanted jacquard no wire bra (I have both and I love them). I have the Enchanted smooth microfiber bra in nude and the other bra in white as well as pink. I just ordered 2 more. I also ordered 2 of their printed seamless bras in pink and I hope to be just as comfortable with these.

I'm sure there must be many places to purchase them but I initially found them at my local Fashion Bug and then ordered more this week on their website. Here's the link to their bra page. They are just $16 each and if you buy 2, you get 2 free! Also, if you order up to $75 on anything on their site up until June 22nd you can get free shipping if you enter this promotional code: 776277808 at checkout.

A word of warning though: they don't have every bra in every color in every size. I feel like I have a pretty standard size (36B) and it wasn't that simple to find one of these 2 bras in my size. You can shop by size though which makes it easier.

Happy shopping!

Product review: Crest Whitestrips Advanced Seal

Wow these are so much better than the regular Crest Whitestrips. They definitely stuck to my teeth much better and I even had some trouble removing them because they were so tightly stuck on there. I still dont think I'd drink water with them on (as they advertise) but I was much more comfortable watching TV and hanging out while wearing them.

Another goal set: Homeownership!!

Hubbs and I plan to buy a house relatively soon. After working out the numbers and figuring out how much we can save, I think we can start seriously looking in about 2 years. I have paid off my debt and we're now working on paying off DH's debt (which isn't much). Then we have a 2 year plan to pay off our car while saving some additional money on the side for our house. After the car is paid off, then I think we'll be ready to seriously look into buying our first house!

Now, of course I know that life happens and who knows...if I get pregnant and have a baby within those 2 years (which I definitely hope to be able to do well before 2 years is up) then our plan will definitely have to shift because of the money. Either way, it's a goal and if we have to adjust it then fine.

Tried tennis today!

Hubbs and I went to the park to play tennis today! It was fun and such a great workout...we only lasted 30 minutes though (my fault) I just couldn't continue. I think we'll keep this workout going since our goal is to lose weight and get in great shape.

I think my good friend Val and her soon to be hubbs, Eddie inspired us to do more fun things locally. We stayed with them Friday-Saturday and had such a great time. They took us to some of their favorite local spots to eat, hang out and just take in the scenery. We know that there are so many great things to do around our house but we don't take advantage of it. We are pledging to do more fun and "outside the box" stuff...including adding tennis to our workouts.

I'm changing gears

I've decided to stop TTC so that I can concentrate on losing some weight. This means I won't be picking up my 3rd Clomid prescription this cycle and I will not be charting anymore for a while. We won't necessarily be TTA either so if we get pregnant in the meantime, then that's wonderful too! I hope to lose at least 15 pounds. When I decided this morning, I just felt a sense of peace so I know this is the right decision for us.

16dpo...Helloooooo??

Where the hell are you, AF? Come already so we can get this show on the road!!

It's just not fair for you to act like you are nowhere in sight making my temperatures nice and high and then all of a sudden drop and then give me hellish cramps for days on end...but no spotting, no nothing!! It's NOT FAIR! And I refuse to test, AF, because I know as soon as I do you will show up in your cruel cruel way. You are not funny!

My long weekend in a nutshell

We had Friday off from work and just hung out.

Saturday we helped set up for SILs Sweet 16 all day then it started later that night and we didn't get home until 8:30am on Sunday...yes.

Sunday slept from 8:30am until about 4:30pm and rested the rest of the day.

Monday (today) we bummed it all day...ahhhhhhh.

Back to work tomorrow :(

The mustard experiment

Ok so I recently heard on a local radio station that roughly a tablespoon of mustard (any kind) every day helps to eliminate odoriferous flatulations...lol...ok so what I mean is: it is supposed to remove the funk from your farts.

So...I have to admit that the few times that I had mustard so far, I have definitely noticed an absence of smelly gas. Not that there is always a smell...you know what? This is more info than you need, I realize.

Try it and let me know what you find.

Yummy milkshake recipe...simple

• 2 cups skim chocolate milk (we love Tuscan- Over the Moon)
• 1 whole banana
• 3 tablespoons peanut butter (you can use carb friendly or low fat versions if you want)
• Sugar free wipped topping as garnish

**These measurements are totally an estimation. When I make it I just pour stuff in the blender, blend and taste as I go adding whatever ingredient I feel it needs more of**

Blend with ice, pour and top with SF whipped cream...tada!! Makes enough for 2 people (depending on how much milk you add).

Told you it was simple...and yuuuuuummy

I'm a neglectful blog mommy...

and need to get back on track with my blogeration.

So anyway...work was brutal this short 3 day work week. I am taking today and monday off by the way (eeeeeeeeeeeee!!!) but who'da thunk that only working Tuesday through Thursday would have been so stressful? Well I really should have known.

On Wednesday we had our annual community baby shower and, as always, it is a huge undertaking. It was very successful though, we had nearly 50 pregnant women in attendance and some brought their significant others making it closer to 70 attendees in total. We had so many awesome prizes and give-aways and everyone left happy. Seriously though, some of the women were soooo ungrateful!! I told everyone at the beginning of the event (I was the MC) that they would only get 1 prize (no one will be able to win more than one item so for those who already won something, if I pull their ticket again in a raffle, then we will just go on to the next person)...OMG they were all like that's not fair!! So I'm standing there by the stage with a mic facing all of these aggravated pregnant women and I caved. I gave someone 2 prizes. I had to come back and "jokingly" blame them for peer pressuring me and things went smoothly after that. Anyway this event takes it all out of me. Tuesday was spent preparing and then packing our cars, driving to the location and then unpacking the cars followed by setting up the huge room. In short...tiring!

And this was Thursday: In a meeting all day until 2:20 when I arrive back at my office. Work furiously to complete an end of year report and several other projects piled on my desk that I couldn't work on because of the baby shower event, which I need to get done before I leave for the week. Shoot out of the office at the end of the day (barely able to leave on time) to pick up DH at the orthodontist (he has Damon braces) because one of his wires was poking him and scratching up his whole mouth. I assumed I was just going there to pick him up after a 5 minute adjustment and finally get home to relax and start enjoying this long weekend. I get there and he tells me they want to go ahead with his next procedure and it will take more like 30-40 minutes. At this point I am really pissed at the situation. So I sit there and wait...we finally get home after 8:00 so I am missing some of So You Think You Can Dance...grrrrr. Glad it's being DVR'd. Then I start cleaning because his cousin is coming this weekend from Florida for my SIL's Sweet 16 on Saturday, so I know they will want to see our apartment. I finally finish and shower and by this time, still no dinner...it's after 10pm. DH orders food and I finally watch SYTYCD with the added bonus of being able to forward through the commercials. His cousin arrives at about 12am because he and his wife and kids are staying with DH's other cousin upstairs. DH visited with his cousin until after 2am then came downstairs to bed then wanted sex (sorry babe, I know you're probably reading this)...the end.

The moral of the story is...well I'm not sure but maybe typing it all out will help to shed the stress that was this week. Now I really hope to enjoy this nice long weekend. I think I'm going to test tomorrow before SIL's Sweet 16. Oh, DH made me scrambled eggs this morning so...it's a great start!

I made my BFcry today :(

We've been friends since we were 13 years old (we're 29 now) but she is always negative and I find myself defending myself to her all the time. Things that she should be supportive for she just always finds a way to ask me "why are you doing it like that? why did you pick that day? why did you do it so early?" etc etc.

Usually I just bite my tongue or just explain myself nicely but today's discussion was on TTC and she kept telling me to just relax and not stress myself out and just let it happen...don't think about it blah blah blah.

I pretty much ended up telling her that I just need her to listen and be supportive and that her suggestions are not helpful or comforting. I also told her that I often think twice about sharing things that are important to me because I am afraid that she will put a negative spin on it and make me feel like I have to defend my choices.

We went back and forth for a while but eventually I think she got it. She got really quiet and I could tell she was getting emotional. She started crying...ughhh! I felt bad! I assured her that I know she doesn't intend to come off that way and I know she has good intentions and wants only the best for me but she needs to be aware of her effect on me.

::Does the cross hairs dance::

Yup...I got lovely solid CHs this morning so I am 3dpo!! My intercourse timing is high too. FF gave me a test date of 6/7/09 which is like 18dpo but I will likely test before that -at least 14dpo. I also have a projected due date of 2/9/09...we'll see if this comes true. Please pray for me!

Ramblings...

Today is CD18 and I really thought I would have had a temp shift by this point. I was so disappointed this morning when I took my temp and saw it was relatively even with previous ones. I am really hoping and praying that tomorrow brings good luck and higher temps. Also, I had wet CM today, not EW and since I ran out of digital OPKs, I didn't take one today. Either way, I think we're covered in the sexy time department. DH has been a champ about it.

I watched the season finale of American Idol tonight and I have to say...even though I wanted Kris Allen to win, his reaction was so anti-climactic. He was kind of like...I won? Cool... Watching Adam win would have been way more interesting. (Side note: did you see what Adam was wearing? wtf...)

Oh, I can't WAIT for the premiere of So You Think You Can Dance (SYTYCD) tomorrow! I'm so happy it's a 2 hour premiere...yippie!!

Back to TTC stuff: DH and I spoke and we agreed that if this cycle results in a BFN, I'm only going to do 1 more round of Clomid before requesting a referral from my primary to a RE. I just don't think I can/should do more rounds without being monitored.

Anyway...it's 11pm and I'm exhausted.

Oh I forgot to mention, I saw an actual mullet today for the first time IRL! It was scary...eeesh!

Off to bed...g'night.

Is anyone out there?? ::crickets chirping::

Just thrilled beyond words!!

(well obviously, not really beyond words...)

I am on cloud 9 right now! The President of our organization came to meet with me today to announce that they are giving me a $2K bonus and that I am getting a 3% pay increase (which in our organization is the highest you can get and only with a perfect annual performance evaluation) which will be retroactive from February. I've only been here a little over a year and it' so awesome to know that my hard work is being noticed and valued...and rewarded! What a validating feeling!

In other (TTC) news, today I have EWCM (it deserves capitalization!) again...I'm going to take the last OPK in the pack tonight (EDIT: it's positive again!). I'm expecting to see my temp shoot up tomorrow as well. It went up this morning from yesterday's temp but it's not above previous temps yet. I really feel like I must be ovulating today. I was even feeling twinges around my right ovary and later on some dull, light cramp-like feelings in my lower abdomen. DH and I have been BD like crazy...lol. I really don't want to miss any opportunity to get those swimmers to where they need to go :-p

Just when I thought $40 was sliding down the drain...

I got my first +OPK today! I've been testing since CD12 and have had a negative everyday until today...I only had 2 tests left (CBE digital) and really thought I wasn't going to see that smiley face.

I actually had a couple of other signs of ovulation too:

1) My temp dipped way down this morning, and

2) I had very obvious EWCM

I took the opportunity of having a + on the digital to see what a + looks like with one of the cheapy non-digital test strips and I STILL couldn't see a clear positive. I guess I'll need to stick with the digitals.

YAY for ovulating!!

Pleeeeeeease let me ovulate soon...

I'm starting to worry a little that I might not ovulate this cycle. Trust me...I know it's too soon to worry about this...I mean it's only CD 15 but I've been using digital OPKs since CD11 and I've gotten negatives everyday including yesterday. Last cycle I ovulated on CD16...I thought I'd at least get a positive OPK by now. I have 3 tests left in my kit and I'm wondering if I just wasted $40.

Good times!

Dh and I went bowling yesterday and bowled 3 frames. It was lots of fun! Especially in the 3rd frame when I finally did well and beat DH! I had like 4 strikes including one that won us a free frame! We have a laser light show alley and what they do is randomly incorporate 1 red pin in random spots whenever it resets the pins. If you end up with the red pin in the #1 spot (the first middle pin in the triangle) you have to alert the workers and then try to hit a strike. It was my turn and what do you know? The red pin is in the #1 spot and DH goes to tell the worker...so now DH and the staff are watching me to see if I get a strike...talk about pressure!!! Amazingly, I actually bowled a strike and won a free game! That was fun!

OK that's anough exclamation points for one post, lol. One thing I realized though, bowling is probably one thing you shouldn't do once you're in the 2ww and definitely not once you are pregnant.

monday. bleh

Hello out there...

I enjoyed my weekend and now it's Monday...ughh. Friday was Alex's (DH) birthday so we went to his parents' house and hung out there for a while. A few mutual friends stopped by and had a few drinks with us. So guess what I got him for his birthday gift...a laptop that matches the one he got me for my birthday a week ago. After buying me mine and using it a couple of times, I could tell he really wanted one of his own. It was an internal struggle to justify spending the money for it...but I just want him to have something that he really wants. It hasn't arrive yet but it will soon.

On Saturday we went to Lowe's and BJ's to pick up some things we need. We're planning on painting our kitchen and putting up a chair rail. Right now our kitchen is all shades of white...white floor tiles, cabinets, stove, fridge, sink, etc and off-white walls. There are other things that add color like our dinner table which is dark green and our curtains are green too and we have a runner with many pretty colors. Anyway, we want to change the walls, curtains and dinner table. We'd like to keep the door and window frames white but add a white chair rail and then paint a sandy color above the chair rail and a serene blue/green color under the chair rail. Then we want to do a sheer curtain and light wood table. I think it will look really nice.

On Sunday we went to visit MIL and SIL for Mother's Day and then went to my BFF's house for a Mother's Day BBQ. It was nice out and we had some great food.

Tonight is my last Clomid pill for this cycle. I really hope it's my last forever! C'mon BFP!!!

Feeling blue today...

And I don't really know why. Maybe it's the rain and some work stress.

I also think the amount of waiting involved in TTC is getting to me. It's the unknown involved in this journey...will Clomid work again this time? will i get another BFN even if I do ovulate? what if I get a BFP and miscarry? Lately I feel that Ive been handling this pretty well even though it had been 9 months since last ovulating. But for some reason, today I just feel down, worried and doubtful.

I'm praying that Clomid wont just make this feeling worse (I'm starting cycle 2 tonight).

On another note, I think I need to lay off coffee. I don't drink coffee very often and I haven't had any in a couple weeks. But I had a rather large cup this morning and now I feel some chest pressure (somewhat similar to stress or anxiety). I've realized recently that coffee makes me feel this way. Ughh...I'm sure it's adding to my mood.

CD 1 :-/

So, as expected, I started spotting last night and ended up with a very heavy AF over night. Silver lining is that this is the first non-Provera induced AF in a while...thanks to Clomid.

Anyway, onward...Maybe this will be my lucky cycle!

14dpo+BFN+Dropping temps=

AF must be on her way any minute/day now. Technically I have to wait until CD40 (May12th) to call this Clomid cycle a bust and up my dosage to 100mg. However, if I really did ovulate, then I should get AF on my own and I'll just do cycle 2 of Clomid with the same dosage of 50mg.

This day sucks ass already. Not only BFN and AF looming, but it's also Saturday and I'm at work :( and I don't normally work on Saturdays. I also saw a doggy walking along the shoulder of the parkway (heartbreaking) and I started praying it wouldn't get hit by a car. On top of that, when I got to my office building, the front and back doors were locked and I had to wait for someone to come open it. Every Saturday it's open by 8am and today it didn't open until like 8:40am.

All this and it's only 9:15am. I think I might want to stay home for the rest of the weekend and just blahh. OH! and I just realized that I forgot to wear a liner just in case...greeaaaaaaaat.

Happy Birthday to Meeeeeeeee!!!!!

I turn 29 today! Dh gave me my present yesterday because he just couldn't wait. It's a little pink laptop!! I was so shocked because honestly, we dont even usually get gifts for one another...we usually just go out to eat or do something special together. I love my little pink laptop!

It was actually funny how he decided to give it to me early. I came home from work yesterday and he had moved our computer table into the gym room (where the cat's food and litter box also is). I didn't really think much of it because DH likes to move the furniture around periodically. I sat in there for a while to fiddle on FF and other sites but I started to smell the litterbox. I walked into the livingroom and told DH "when I get pregnant I'm going to have to have a laptop because I shouldn't be smelling that kitty litter".

10 minutes later he gave me my present (which was gift wrapped with Christmas paper, by the way lol)! Here it is!!

Hubby is charting??

DH has become so involved with our TTC journey...I find it so endearing. Not only is he involved with the obvious part, but he is now involved with my BBT and charting. He has my FF password and periodically checks it out at work and calls to tell me "your chart looks good today, babe". Or, in the morning, as soon as I take my temp he rolls over and groggily asks "so?".

On the morning that I finally got cross hairs which determined I had actually ovulated, I told him my BBT for that morning and quickly fell back asleep (it was a weekend). He quietly left the bedroom. When he came back in, he woke me up with a huge smile on his face...he plopped the laptop on the bed by me and happily announced that FF said I ovulated!

So cute... :)

"Real" Infertility?

Infertility is defined as the inability to conceive after at least 1 year of having unprotected intercourse. I have only been TTC for 6 months. Does that mean that technically infertility does not apply to me? Even though I have not been ovulating and my ob/gyn used the term "unexplained IF"?? If a RE were to use that term instead of an OB/GYN in my case, then would it make it more valid?

Am I having "trouble" TTC? Or does that title only apply to those who fit the definition of infertility?

If not, then where do I fit in? If I'd been ovulating and having AF on my own then I wouldn't even consider myself as having trouble TTC. I'd just figure...ok our timing is off or the stress is affecting me. But since I was not ovulating does that make me an exception to the 1 year rule?

Just today I came across a post on a chat board I like to visit where a woman was talking about things she finds annoying about what fertile people say to infertile people...and she said that unless the person providing the advice "has been through IF (real IF, not 6 months of TTC)..." then basically they shouldn't be providing advice.

So...I guess I can see where she's coming from. All I want to know then, is where do I post my questions and comments??

6DPO - according to FF

That's right, fertilityfriend.com says I probably ovulated on CD 16 which was Saturday April 18th! I say "probably" because the cross hairs are dashed, not solid, which means it is estimating ovulation based on only temperatures and not other signs such as CM. The only reason I didn't track CM was because I heard of the negative effects of Clomid on your CM which might make it hard to rely on that as a sign of ovulation.

I actually have a test date and estimated due date and everything! Now all I have to do is keep temping and hope it doesn't drop.

Oh! I should mention that I have had sore nipples for a few days now. I'm not sure if that qualifies as "tender breasts" but I have been marking it on FF just in case. Maybe it's just a sign that I really did ovulate. I think DH sees it as a sign that maybe I'm pregnant! Anyway, if I really did ovulate on CD 16 and if we did conceive, I should be implanting any day now. Why do we do this to ourselves? You can tell my hopes are way up, right??

FF says I should test on May 7 (the day before DH's birthday I might add) which would be 19DPO. Can I wait that long?? Knowing me, I'll probably start testing on May 2nd which is 14 DPO...unless I get AF before then. But the good thing is that it's seems that 50mg of Clomid worked to at least make me ovulate which is the point!

Did I ovulate!!???

It's too soon for FF to tell for sure but it looks to me like I may have ovulated on CD 15 (Friday April 17th)!! Oh I pray that I really did. Check out my chart by clicking on the yellow blinkie in the panel to the right - in the "Welcome" section. I couldn't temp on Monday morning because I was traveling back to NJ from Florida and actually didn't get to sleep until 6am on Monday morning...but my temp this morning jumped above and beyond any previous temp this cycle. Please, dear Lord, let it stay up!

Anyway, Florida was great. It was nice spending time with my mom and the weather was beautiful. I hope the fact that I had a wonderful time and had an opportunity to relax and enjoy myself contributes to our TTC efforts. Come to think of it, on CD 15 DH and I were at a water park and I had so much fun!! I think it was the most fun I had on our vacation.

Send prayers, please!!!

Blogging from Florida!!

Hi out there! DH and I are in Florida visiting my mom. We drove down from Jersey and it wasn't too bad. We survived it, thank God!

So guess what really dumb thing I did...I forgot my 5th and final pill of Clomid at home and didn't realize it until we were well on our way to Florida. I don't know how I managed to do that! It all worked out though. I called my doc's office (which was closed) during the drive and had the on-call doc call in a prescription to a CVS in Florida by my mom's house for 1 little Clomid pill. Almost $11 for that one pill!!! I'm an idiot...oh well, it happens!

Anyway, the weather in West Palm Beach has been amazing!! We had fun hanging out with my mom and her fiancee on Saturday when we arrived and all day on Sunday. They've been spoiling us like crazy with food. Mom's fiancee is an awesome cook and has treated us to a different type of meal everyday so far...skirt steak, shrimp, salmon, ribs...I think tonight is chicken. They've been really great.

DH and I went to the beach yesterday (my mom and her fiancee have to work all week so DH and I have a chance to hang out and do fun things together). I got a tan - actually I kind of look like a lobster right now...lol. We also went to a Karaoke bar last night. No, we didn't sing although I got tipsy enough to suggest it to DH. Luckily he wasn't tipsy enough, lmao!

Today I've been nursing a mini hangover. I'm not sure what we will end up doing today. I know tomorrow we're visiting some of DH's family who also live in Florida so that should be fun too. I really want to go to the water park but DH isn't too crazy about the idea. We'll see. DH is content to just sit on the patio with a nice cold one listening to music.

On another note, BDing has been interesting for me here under mom's roof. We have no choice though. Luckily we have the house to ourselves during the day while they're at work.

Anywho...Hope everyone's having a great week!! ttys!

Clomid w/out being monitored?

I'm on my first cycle of Clomid but I'm not being monitored. Everyone online keeps saying that I shouldn't be on Clomid without being monitored by a RE (reproductive endocrinologist) because Clomid can have some negative effects on my reproductive system - like developing cysts and thinning out my uterine lining.

I definitely see the concern.

My OB/GYN - well actually I've been seen by the nurse practitioner at my OB/GYN office - prescribed the Clomid (and even my DH's s/a) without any intention to monitor my progress. When she initially mentioned it I didn't give a second thought to monitoring. It wasn't until visiting TTTC chat boards that I realized there was even a reason to be monitored.

However, I have come across many women who are having the same experience I am. My nurse practitioner said that I can stay on it for a couple cycles (actually she said 4-6 months) while charting to see if it works. At that point she'll refer me to a RE. I guess that's just how they operate.

I pray that it will all go well and I will never have to be referred to the RE. ((PRAYERS))

Last night was my 2nd night on Clomid. I didn't experience any symptoms this time...just went right to sleep! I hope that doesn't change.

Was it all in my head??

So here is my update on my first night of taking Clomid:

There were tears...

I took it at around 10ish after taking some Robitussin (I'm actually sick with a cold- darn weather) hoping to just fall asleep and avoid symptoms. However...DH and I got into a little spat over something and I got upset. Upset=mad and annoyed which is totally normal for me (I can be feisty) but I purposely walked away and went to bed hoping to avoid getting crazy. When I get mad at him it usually dissolves as soon as he approaches me with a hug or kind words. Last night was different.

I was holding back tears and telling him to leave me alone so that I could just fall asleep and not cry but, of course, he was persistent. I cried...and not just one or two lonely tears but a good sob.

Now, I should explain that normally what we argued about would never have made me cry. Really we just disagreed about something minor. It didn't even have anything to do with us directly. But I had warned him ahead of time that I didn't know how the Clomid would affect me and he agreed to be careful about that. Eventually, I stopped crying after making him feel crappy about making me cry (sorry honey!).

This is just silliness!! Was is really the Clomid or some kind of wierd self-imposed reverse psychology?? Did I think about the possible sife effects so much that I actually caused one??

The experiment continues with Clomid #2 tonight...dun dun dunnnnnnnnnnn!!!

By the way, I feel normal today. Except I am really sleepy but that's because DH kept me up with his cough (we're both sick)...I hope this goes away before our vacation next week.

Stay tuned...

Tonight's the night...

Today is CD 5 and I'm scheduled to start my very first cycle of Clomid tonight.

I've been faithfully taking my prenatal vitamins (doc prescribed CitraNatal) and the baby aspirin. I'm really excited to see what it will be like. I'm also scared of having bad side effects. I'm taking them right before bed so hopefully I will sleep through symptoms.

AF came a day after I thought it would come (got it Friday instead of Thursday) so now I know I will have to take the last Clomid pill during my drive to visit my mom in Florida - I live in NJ. I really hope it doesn't affect my vacation next week...but if it does, I just hope it's well worth it.

I pray that I, at least, ovulate this cycle!! Wish me luck!! I'll let you know tomorrow how my first night on Clomid went.

A Recipe for Success

I took my last Provera pill yesterday and am now awaiting AF (which I believe will show on Thursday - today is Tuesday). I will probably start taking Clomid on Monday (April 6th) depending on when exactly AF starts.

My plan of action is: Clomid + baby aspirin + Pre-seed + prayer!

DH just picked up the baby aspirin today...didn't even ask what it was for (lol). I've heard of this before and just today I read about it working for several women...2 of whom got pregnant like this very recently. Supposedly baby aspirin helps blood flow easily to your uterus and ovaries and helps with the uterine lining.

Hopefully the Pre-Seed and baby aspirin will help counteract the negative effects of Clomid. Plus I will be taking the advice of many who have said I should take the Clomid at night so that I can avoid trying to kill DH in an evil bitch-fest (you know...the usual side effect). I think we'll be alright...

"Trouble TTC"??

Every once in a while I go on TheBump.com's Trouble TTC board to hear about others' issues with getting pregnant. I just realized that the name of the board is pretty silly.

I don't think any of us are having trouble trying to conceive. I can speak for myself that I have noooooo problem trying to conceive...it's the actual conception part we're having trouble with, not the trying part!

Maybe it should be called "Trouble Conceiving"...just a thought.

By the way, I'm on day 4 of Provera. I definitely saw the temperature spike on my chart the morning after I took the first pill. My Fertility Friend chart is so confused. It does not know what to make of this spike...it thinks I MAY HAVE ovulated between day 19 and 38. Lol...very funny. Obviously I haven't ovulated...it's just the Provera but I find it funny that it guessed such a ridiculously wide range. Check it out!

Confession...

I POAS today at work. I couldn't help it. I only had 1 more day to go to testing and I got to looking at my chart and thought I saw some sort of pattern that, if correct, meant that I could have ovulated 17 or 18 days ago. If that were the case I'd be able to test immediately and see some result. Well...the office "covert operation" felt silly after seeing the one lonely line on that stick.

*sighhh*

I'll do it again tomorrow morning before work just for good measure (I have about 30 test strips at home that I purchased on-line) so that I can start Provera tomorrow night. And off we go onto our first medicated TTC cycle!

BDing at mom's house??

So technically it's been about 5 months since we've been TTC and today I'm on CD31 and still no ovulation detected. I can see that there will be no BFP and that I will have to start Clomid next month for sure. So now I must wait 9 more days (until CD40) then I can start the Provera for 7 days, then usually I get AF 3 days after Provera and then I start Clomid 50mg from CD5-9. Then BD every other day starting on CD11...and pray for ovulation!! I guess I should buy the Pre-seed!

Funny thing is that I calculated the days on the calendar and it looks like we'll be BDing the whole week that we're visiting my mother in Florida...and staying in her house! That should make for an interesting time! LOL

By the way, having a BFP this month would have meant having a baby this year. I pray that 2010 will be our lucky year!

Chandler

Just wanted to introduce our kitty, Chandler! She's about 2 and a half years old now and is a sweetheart.

Chance of Twins on Clomid - 50%? 10%?

When my doc first mentioned Clomid after several months of TTC, she told us that there's a 50% chance of having twins on Clomid. She said a couple of her friends that have taken it did have twins. DH and I looked at each other...

It funny because we've talked about it before. Twins don't run in either of our families but I admit to having said it would be great to have twins...two in one shot! Things we said regarding having kids was always said without a second thought or sometimes even half joking. But after hearing about there being a 50% shot from my doc I had to take a step back and think things through.

I mean, sure, if we were to get pregnant with twins naturally and without meds we would be thrilled (although scared at first!) But actually taking a medication that the doc says has a pretty high chance of resulting in twins...well that was different.

We were faced with the decision to try to wait it out another few months or start Clomid at the start of the next cycle. We left that doctor's office having decided to wait another few "cycles" (although they weren't actual cycles if I was not ovulating - which I wasn't).

I went online to find out and I realized that many sites said Clomid increases the chance by 10% (not 50%) unless you have a family history of twins then it would be higher. I also went on chat boards to find out what other doctors told women about Clomid. The ones I read up on all said 10%. After discussing it further over the next few days and talking to my brother about it, we decided to start Clomid.

As of right now, I'm waiting until March 24th before starting Provera and then Cycle #1 of Clomid. And whether we get pregnant with one or two...we'll be so excited to be starting our journey to becoming parents!

Charting and Daylight Savings Time

I totally screwed up this morning. I usually take my temperature at 7am and somehow (duh!) I thought that since we jumped an hour ahead, that means I should take my temperature at 6am to make up for the hour. I should have taken it at 8am so I did the opposite. So taking my temp 2 hours in advanced definitely made me have a lower than usual temp this morning. I woke up thinking, "wow, maybe this is my temp dip before ovulation!". After I fully awoke and talked to hubby about it, he showed me the error I made. Ughhhh...

On Chris Brown...Off Topic

I am so appalled and disgusted with Chris Brown right now. I hope and pray that he spends at least 2 or 3 years in prison for what he did to Rihanna. And you know what, if Rihanna is attempting to reconcile with Brown, then I am disgusted with her too.

I know that in many cases of partner abuse there is some level of coersive control that takes place over the victim making her powerless and more likely to crave the abusers acceptance blah blah blah. I mean I know coersive control is a real phenomena (I studied it in school...the link above was written by the professor that taught it to me at UMDNJ), but Rihanna really needs to rise above this and set a positive example for all the young girls out there that look up to her. I understand her wanting to forgive him...because until she forgives him he still has power over her. But, don't get back together with him!! I mean, who knows what's really happening right now between them. We've heard rumors that they have gotten together and have spent some time together after the "altercation" (as many sites are calling it) AND Rihanna isn't pressing charges. Well, oh well Chris...the State of California will not let that stop them from pressing charges.

Chris Brown faces up to 4 years and 8 months in prison if he is found guilty of the 2 felonies he is charged with: (1) assault by means likely (likely?) to create great bodily injury, and (2) criminal threats.

The girl almost passed out from his beating...yeah, a BEATING, not an "altercation" people. And you know what, I hope the photogs release the picture of Rihanna a day later (said to be much worse than the one release by TMZ that everyone has seen). Not that I wish more harm for Rihanna, but if releasing that picture causes Chris Brown's career to disintegrate...well good for him, he deserves it.

Check out the actual search warrant and affidavit which provides more detail, below. Leave it to The Smoking Gun to find and post all the gory details.

Details on the Chris Brown/ Rihanna Case

Dieting While TTC

I lost about 20 pounds for my wedding 5 months ago and have since gained back about 15 pounds. I would love to go back down to my wedding-day weight but that was a struggle to get to and it's almost impossible to stay there for long. I had already gained 5 pounds by the time we arrived home after our honeymoon (but I guess that's to be expected after a whole week of gorging on all-you-can-eat Mexican cuisine).

Anyway, I (stupidly) expected that I would be pregnant within a month or two after the wedding so I really didn't care that I was starting to gain weight. And, honestly, after about 7 months of dieting I really just wanted to eat what I wanted to eat.

Now, several months later, I started trying to eat sensibly again and work out. I've been having ceareal for 2 meals per day and doing cardio on the eliptical at home for about 30 minutes at least 4 times per week. It's been about 2 weeks and, although I must admit I haven't been perfect, I've been pretty steady with this method. I lost about 2 pounds and then gained them back. Then I get upset, say "f it" and go buy a Twix! I frustrate myself.

I know it's the right thing to do to lose some weight before I get pregnant so that I can be healthier for the pregnancy...but I can't help that little voice inside my head that says "Eat whatever you want, when you get pregnant you're going to gain weight anyway!" Trust me, I know about the holes in that logic. But that's the problem, when dealing with food and hunger, sometimes logic goes out the window and you're ruled by cravings, taste and satisfaction.

Hello Out There...

This is my first time blogging so bear with me. My name is Marielle. I married my best friend, Alex in October of 2008. We have been TTC since. It's been almost 5 months now. March 2009 is my last attempt to TTC without any meds...if I don't ovluate, I'm starting clomid in April.

I haven't been ovulating since before the wedding probably because of the stress of planning a wedding combined with being on BCP for almost a decade up until the end of 2007 and then for about 3 months at the time of my wedding (I didn't want to have to deal with having a period on my wedding day or on the honeymoon). The last period I had on my own was probably in the summer of 2008. Now it's the winter (about to be spring of 2009).

My ob/gyn ordered blood work and some analysis on me and hubby and all came out normal. Now we wait until March 24th. If I don't have my period by then and I'm still not preg, then I go on Clomid in mid-April. Wish me luck for March!