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Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Going on 16 months TTC :(

I honestly can't even begin to tell you how many cycles it has been. I only know that it hasn't been many at all. I think I got 1 or 2 periods in the first couple of months TTC (but I wasn't charting then or even really knew much about how my body worked). I did also get a period after 2 cycles of Clomid (unmonitored cycles might I add). Then with these recent IUI's of course I count these cycles since the meds help me ovulate. I think maybe only about 6-7 cycles have passed in this time (most medicated).

What is wrong with my body??? I'm at my 3rd IUI cycle and I honestly have a hard time being positive. I have never ever seen 2 lines on a HPT. What if something is wrong with my eggs? What if they are bad quality? DH's sperm are fine. I've never had a CM ferning test...maybe my CM is toxic. Then again, I guess the IUI's should bypass that issue.

What about if/when I do get pregnant...can my bitter ute hold on tight? I wish this were easier. DH is handling it well but he isn't the one that has to get poked, stung, drugged, and violated every few days.

I'm not sure why I'm feeling so...I don't know..."dramatic" I guess? I'm just reflecting on the time that has passed and I pray that the end of this struggle is near.

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